Page 101 of Bucked Hard

“Yes.” I’m breaking inside. “I’m leaving in September.” Until this very moment, I wasn’t sure I could go, but the image that Jeanette painted of him, the way my heart is breaking thinking I could have been so foolish, I want to run.

I want to hurt him the way I’m hurting.

He licks his lips with a slow nod, then looks up at the sky. “Okay, then.” He slips an arm around my shoulder and starts walking us forward.

“Did you not hear a word I said?” I stop before he can corral me any farther forward.

“Every word.” He clears his throat, then continues. “As far as the notches, I’m figuring it’s Jeanette in there that decided to feed you that pig slop. I told you I’d tell you all about them, and I intended to. It’s hard. It’s fucking personal.”

He steps forward, turns and leans against the door of his pickup, hands slipping down into his front pockets.

Seconds tick by like hours as he stares at the ground, kicking a rock in the dirt before he continues. “Until you, Little Bit, the things that mattered most in my life were my horses. The rescue ones. The hard cases that I can turn around are what’s given my life meaning.” He tips his head and grinds the heel of his black boot into the dust, taking a deep breath, and my heart almost breaks. I don’t know what’s so hard for him about this, but I take his hand in mine. Even if it’s over between us, I don’t want him to feel like this. “Until you. But for every one of those beauties that’s come into my life, there are still some I can’t save. Some are too sick. Too hurt. And even with everything I try to do, they still slip away. Those notches? Those are to keep me humble. Every horse I’ve lost is a mark on my saddle, to remind me of how fragile life is. How, no matter how much we try sometimes, we’re not in charge here. I’m not God.”

He steps from the truck, and my stomach flutters as I try to maintain my calm. I’m melting again under his gaze, and I have to cross my arms over my chest just to keep my heart from leaping into his hands.

“And as far as Jeanette?” He shakes his head. “Listen, I’ll never say anything bad about a lady. But she hasn’t been a fan of mine since she asked me to the prom in senior year and I politely declined. Made a big stink about how I’d asked her, when everyone knew I wouldn’t go to a dance. Embarrassed herself and has been trying to do the same to me ever since.”

“Why wouldn’t you go to a dance?”

A sheepish grin spreads over his lips as he reaches down and takes my hands, bringing them up and placing them flat on his chest. His hands sweep down my back, drawing me into him.

“From the time I was a little boy, I don’t know…” His voice trails off. His lips come to rest on my forehead for a long moment before he pulls back and finishes. “I only wanted to ever dance with my wife. Told myself my first dance would be on my wedding day.” He chuckles, shaking his head, and I sense an old embarrassment. I want to hold him, to tell him I understand.

“But…” My mind twists. I so want to believe him, but I don’t want to be taken for a fool. “Then how did she know about that birthmark? You know,thatone.”

He snorts. “In second grade, I got into a fight with some boys twice my age at the 4-H fair that summer. Four of them had two girls chased into the back of the hog barn. The biggest one, Brian McMaster, had a crush on one of the girls. Only, she didn’t return his sentiments. So, he and three of his friends decided the way to handle rejection was to dump a bucket of slop on her an hour before she was supposed to go on stage to sing in the talent contest.”

His hands move to the back of my neck, then wind upward into my hair, sending tingling bolts down my back. He closes any space left between us and I feel the thick erection under his jeans push into my belly.

“And?”

“And, I came through the back of the barn, saw him pick up the bucket. His three friends laughing and cuttin’ up, and those two girls crying and huddling in the corner. And let’s just say the girls walked away clean and happy. But Brian and the other three didn’t.”

“That still doesn’t explain how Jeanette knew about your birthmark.”

“Well, see, Brian is Jeanette’s brother. So, that next week, I was showing my filly in the show ring. Standing there in front of the judges, one hand on her lead rope, the other hand holding the lunge whip. Hoping for first place, my heart beating around in my chest like… Well, about like it is right now. And I was a scrawny kid. Skinny, you might say. Took two belts to keep my drawers up most of the time. When, out of the door to the show ring comes Jeanette. Runs up behind me, and in one jerk, pulls down my pants and my boxers right there in front of God and everyone.”

A burst of laughter escapes as he gently tugs my hair. His masculine scent fills my nose. I want to bury myself into him.

“So, the family McMaster and I have some history, Little Bit. It’s all done and dusted as far as I’m concerned, but seems they like the burden of grudges.” Another less gentle tug on my hair sends desire spinning through me. “Now, when it comes to school…”

I swallow hard. “It’s my dream. I’ve been chasing this goal for so long.”

“I get that.” He nods, smiling. “And I want you to have everything in this life you want.”

My heart sinks as I think about being away from him. And although I realize that it’s for my sake, it sinks further at the thought that he wouldn’t put up a fight to have me stay.

“So,” he continues, “if you’re going, I’m going.”

“What? No.” I struggle with the words. “You have a life here. I can’t ask you to leave. This is your home.”

“No. It isn’t. I have a life with you. My home isn’t a place. It’s you.”

His mouth is on mine. Tongue sweeping between my lips, drawing out a moan from somewhere deep inside me.

He drops a hand from my hair, drawing back from our kiss, leaving me breathless. His palm comes down to rub my belly, and my knees turn to Jell-O at the way he looks at me.

“Maria, my life will be better with you than it could ever be here and alone. This is our life. And I’ll take care of everything. You want to finish school? I’ll be there supporting you all the way.”

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