Page 128 of Bucked Hard

“Hey.” His voice comes through. “How’s the cowboy?”

At the sound of his voice, the floodgates open.

I pour out where I spent last night. What I think I saw on the hill. What Harriett told me about Garrett’s disinterest and inability to travel.

Then, about the offer from the magazine.

“And you are asking me what exactly?” Benjamin’s voice is sympathetic but pragmatic. “How many little things do you need to see before you realize there are huge flashing arrows telling you which direction to go?”

“I don’t know.” I sit down on the bed in the cabin and rest my forehead in one hand. “Benjamin… I just… Garrett just felt so amazing. I’ve never felt like this.” There’s a gaping hole in my chest that is spreading and taking over.

“Let’s dial back the feels for a second.” His voice turns stern. “You have the opportunity of alifetime. One you’ve been working for and dreaming about for years.Years. Are you telling me you really don’t know what you should do here? Because that doesn’t sound like you.”

“I know.” I wonder how in a few short days the solid, independent woman I’d become has turned into this lovesick, crying ball of confusion.

I look at the time, and I only have about twenty minutes to get back with Jeffrey from the magazine.

“Listen, sis. If things are meant to be with the cowboy, they will be. But you can’t give up your life on a person you barely know. As well, a person that has no interest in living the life that you’ve dreamed about. Could you imagine staying in one place for the rest of your life? You’d die.”

The truth of that statement hits me. I was born with this wanderlust. I ran away from home more times than I could count before I was twelve years old, just dreaming of being in exotic places. I felt trapped even back then.

“No, I can’t imagine it. Would make Mom happy though. Me, settling down, pumping out some babies, getting my first apron.” I answer, and I feel like my insides are being turned inside out.

“Mom has one version of what makes all women happy. She loves you, but she just has limited ability to see past the end of her own nose. Her life chose her, but you have choices of your own. Call the magazine. Opportunities knock, but you have to have the courage to open the door. I love you. You know I’d do anything for you. And, I want the best for you.”

I nod, unable to choke out any more words.

I say my goodbye and drop my head to my knees, my hands gripping the back of my neck as I sob, looking down, the sight of my cowboy boots blurred by the tears.

ChapterTen

Garrett

When I get back from moving the cattle, Harriett is sitting on the stoop outside my house, glaring at me.

“I know that look. What’d I do now?” I brush the dust off my shirt and the tops of my legs, before leaning against the porch post and waiting to hear what I’ve done to anger the Gods.

“You’re about the biggest idiot I’ve ever met.” Harriett’s eyes flame and I rack my brain, trying to figure out what I could have done.

“What the hell did I do?”

Her fury has my curiosity piqued, but all I want to do is find Mary Beth.

“How long have you been gone?”

I think, look up at the sky. “Took a little longer than I thought. Cows had gone all the way up and around Murphy’s curve.” My stomach growls and I start to think my sense of time is off as usual. I reach up and scratch my forehead. “But I’m not sure how long. Couple hours, plus a bit, I’d guess.”

“Really?” She shakes her head, pressing her hands to her thighs, then stands and saunters over to take my hat off my head, then smacks me in the arm with it.

I snatch it back, opening my mouth, but she cuts me off.

“I don’t claim to be an expert on romance. I haven’t had much experience myself. But I thought you were one of the good guys.” Her words are clipped, and she crosses her arms.

“Would you please just tell me what the hell is going on?”

“I’m not dumb. I see things. I notice things. You took up with Mary Beth, you both looked about as happy as two mice in a flour sack last night. Thenyoutook off with that Abigail earlier. I saw you riding off with her, and so did Mary Beth. An hour ago, Mary Beth came and found me to ask me where you were. Said she’d been trying to call you for hours.”

Shock centers in my brain and I reach around to pull the flip phone out of my back pocket. I draw it around and open it up, but the screen is gray. I start pushing buttons, but nothing is happening.

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