Page 109 of The Tempted

September 21, 2010

Dear Anthony,

I’ve written you countless letters all of which you never respond to. It’s okay. I’ll continue to write to you because it’s all I have left of you. You’ve asked me to forget you but asking me to forget you is like asking me to forget how to breathe. You’re a part of me, always have been and always will be. The sooner you realize that and stop fighting it the better we both will be.

It’s not easy living apart from you. It’s difficult for me to go about my day knowing your whole world has changed. I don’t know what you’re doing, if you’re eating, if you’re lonely. I worry about you all the time. I pray at night you don’t give up on yourself, that you don’t succumb to your demons. Promise me you won’t self-destruct. I know it’s easy for me to ask these things of you, hard for you to listen – you never listen to me. I sometimes feel like the only person you ever say no to is me.

I miss you so much. It’s hard, trying to let go of the past, some days more difficult than other days. I keep telling myself if I let it go, I can still hold on to you and when you come back home we can have a fresh start. The thing is, I don’t know what you’re thinking. I don’t know if you’re living in that cell thinking about what happens when you come home. What if you don’t want me anymore? What if I’m more trouble than I’m worth? It scares me to think you may come home and want nothing to do with me. I wouldn’t be able to live with that. You walking away from me again would tear me to shreds.

I have to remind myself I’m not writing you to upset you but rather encourage you. When I first wrote to you, it was so you knew I was here waiting for you. It was to let you know I was missing you and I’d be here when you came home. I never wanted you to believe I had given up on you or you were alone in this. You’ll never be alone, Anthony. I’ll always have your back, even when you turn it against me.

On a lighter note, I have news. I landed myself a good job in a doctor’s office. I’m just a temp for now, trying to learn all the insurance codes and all that. The doctor I work for is a plastic surgeon so you can imagine the patients. You would get a kick out of the women that parade into the office, trying to swap implants as if one would swap a pair of socks.

Other than that, not much has changed here. Nikki is a pain in my ass, always bugging me to go out with her but I don’t have it in me. She’s become the social butterfly in our family while my wings have wilted. But, I know I’ll get my wings back the moment I see your handsome face again.

Please be well. Please take care of yourself. I love you even though you’re trying your hardest to make me hate you.

Love Always,

Adrianna

Your Reese’s Pieces

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