Page 94 of The Tempted

Chapter Four

2013

I stared in sheer amazement at my beautiful baby boy swaddled and tucked safely against my breast. There was a time, not too long ago, I thought I’d never know the blessing of being a mother. I suppose that was the pessimistic side of me. After losing mine and Anthony’s baby I put it in my head that this moment would never happen. I’d never experience the joy of being a mother. It wasn’t like the doctors told me I’d have trouble getting pregnant after the miscarriage, or that I’d never carry a baby. It was my head telling me I was only destined for heartache. My little Luca was nothing short of a miracle in my eyes, it didn’t matter I was a single mother. He was the greatest thing to ever happen to me and I was so very grateful.

Even though I was basking in the glory of my son’s birth I couldn’t ignore the ache in my chest that still lingered over the loss of my first pregnancy. I don’t think the pain will ever go away and I’m sure the resentment I harbored from losing her wouldn’t either. I don’t know if she would’ve been a girl but in my dreams, she is, maybe it’s my subconscious picturing Anthony with a daughter. There would have been nothing more beautiful than watching him with a little girl.

Except watching as he held my son for the first time, that might be the most beautiful moment I’ve ever witnessed in my life. It was a moment so tenderly carved into the chambers of my heart. I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that Anthony shared the birth of my son with me. Isn’t it funny how things just sort of work themselves out? The person I was five years ago or even three years ago, before Anthony left me, would have said it was fate. But I am not that girl anymore, the one who used to believe in fate and destiny. Not after my destiny was ripped from me.

I suppose I shouldn’t dwell on the past, if things hadn’t gone the way they had then I wouldn’t be holding this perfect baby in my arms. At least that’s what I have to tell myself now. It’s not just me fighting to move on with my life, I have to fight for this baby now too. I can’t fall apart or relive my past only for my world to shatter again. There is another life depending on me and I am all he has.

Some might say my taste in men is poor, at least my father would, the hypocritical bastard he is. My father is too much of a self-centered, egotistical animal to admit it, but he has no business judging Anthony nor Vinny, Luca’s dad. You see Anthony was just a misguided guy when I met him. He had good intentions, always did, but he was lost, and troubled. His dad left him, his mom and his sister at a very tender age. An age when a boy needs his dad to guide him on the path to being a man. The sad part is Anthony had so much potential to be a number of things. He could’ve taken so many different paths than the one he ultimately chose. I wish he could’ve seen what I saw in him all those years ago. I wish he could’ve seen how beautiful and big his heart is instead of always fighting against it.

Vinny isn’t a bad guy either, he’s no Anthony, but still he tried to be successful. He works for the stock market. When we first met he knew I was still hung up on Anthony. He saw a sad, broken girl and decided he wanted to be the one who made her whole again. Poor guy. He never had a chance, he may have been able to scoop up the broken pieces, but he never had the glue to put them together. There is only so much one can try before they give up hope. The result of Vinny losing hope ended with him turning to drugs. I can’t take all the blame. He had a problem before we met, never hid his recovery from me, but in the end he succumbed to his addiction. He fell back into his old habits and I never got over mine. We were destined to fail from the beginning. Accidents happen and I became pregnant with Luca. Vinny checked himself into rehab but I don’t hold much faith in his recovery. He doesn’t want to be a father but I didn’t give him a choice. I would never have an abortion, not after I had already lost one baby. In some ways, I feel like God gave me this baby to get me by. I have purpose now.

“You are such a baby hog,” Nikki said with a huff, as she sat on the edge of the windowsill.

“Hardly,” I replied, leaning down nuzzling my sleeping bundle of joy. “Mom and Dad were the ones hogging him. Isn’t that right my sweet boy?” I cooed softly.

“Yeah and the moment they left you took the title,” she frowned, crossing her arms against her chest.

I lifted my head, glancing over at my little sister.

“Fine, come and get your nephew.” I pretended to sound annoyed but the fact that my sister was already in love with my son made my heart swell. Her eyes lit up as she jumped off the windowsill, whipping out her pocket hand sanitizer before she sat on the edge of my bed. She held her arms out, biting her lip nervously as she waited for me to hand Luca over to her.

A soft gasp escaped Nikki’s lips once Luca was snuggling against her, wrapped tightly in her arms.

“A, my God he’s the most perfect little human,” she said in awe as she gazed down at him.

I couldn’t help the proud smile on my face.

“He’s perfect, isn’t he?”

She lifted her head, her eyes meeting mine as she smiled widely at me. “Thank you so much for making me an aunt.” Her voice catching in her throat, surprising me because Nikki wasn’t the emotional type.

“You’re welcome,” I whispered, giving her knee a slight squeeze.

“I can’t believe I missed his birth,” she said, while looking down at my son. “But you couldn’t wait to make your big entrance, could you?” she dipped her head, pressing her lips to Luca’s forehead.

“Thank God Uncle Anthony was there to help you and your mommy.”

Uncle Anthony? Real subtle Sis. She peered up at me under the fringe of her eyelashes gaging my reaction to her little comment. I wasn’t taking her bait.

“I didn’t want to say anything in front of Mommy and Daddy but he was here,” she whispered.

I lifted my head, looking at her with confused eyes. I knew Anthony had stayed until this morning before my family had arrived. The moment the Pastore clan came charging in he fled without so much as a nod in my direction, like he didn’t just share in the most significant moment of my life.

“I mean just a little while ago,” she said, reading my thoughts. She lifted her chin towards the chair beside my bed. “He said he had to go, but I think he left because of Daddy. Anyway, he gave me something to give you and the baby. It’s in the bag, I didn’t think you’d want Daddy to be all up in your business when I gave it to you.”

My sister didn’t know the extent of the bad blood that ran between our father and me. She was too young at the time to understand the repercussions of our father’s lifestyle and the hell it caused. As far as I was concerned my father was poisonous, he was the venom that resulted in the demise of my relationship with Anthony. I’ll never forgive him as long as I live; but still he’s my father, a man who demands respect. So what if the respect I have for him is as fake as his protégé Jimmy Gold’s gold tooth? I wash his face, he washes mine.

I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and reached for the blue bag.

“The clothes are from me, the other stuff is what he got you guys,” she stated, as I reached inside and pulled out a tiny blue teddy bear. It was so soft, written on the belly of the bear it saidBaby’s First Bear. I ran my fingers over the embroidered words, closing my eyes as I pictured Anthony agonizing over the stuffed animal and wondering if he made the right choice. Some things never change.

I swallowed against the lump that formed in the back of my throat. Why did he have to do things like this? I’d never get over him at this rate. Who was I kidding? I’d leave this earth still hopelessly in love with him.

“There’s something else,” Nikki said softly, pulling me out of my trance. My hand dipped back inside the gift bag, feeling around for anything that wasn’t tissue paper or clothing finally feeling a small bag. I pulled out my hand and opened my palm to find a bag of Reese’s Pieces.

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