Page 16 of Blackout

“I love you, Lacey.”

“Tell me you don’t regret marrying me.”

“Never.”

“Tell me, Blackie,” she whispers, opening her eyes. “Tell me we’re not making a mistake, that we deserve to be happy.”

“You deserve to be happy,” I say. Even if I don’t, she does. She deserves everything good in life. All the fucking beautiful this wicked world has to offer.

“My dad was a good father,” she continues, pausing for a beat. “He is a good father,” she corrects, cocking her head to the side. “His lifestyle wasn’t perfect, far from it, but he tried. He did the best he could, and I always felt his love.”

Not sure where any of this is coming from, I lean back and unravel her arms from my neck. Sitting up, I take her hands and pull her into my lap, giving her my full attention. I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and search her eyes.

“Talk to me, Lace,” I murmur softly. “What’s going on inside that pretty head of yours?”

I watch as she draws her lip between her teeth and diverts her gaze away from me.

“Did I ever tell you about our dates?” Staring off into space, she smiles. “When my parents got divorced, my father would pick me up every Tuesday and take me to dinner. We didn’t go anywhere fancy, just the Vegas diner, but one time, he picked me up and we skipped dinner altogether. He drove all the way to Hershey, Pennsylvania because he wanted a chocolate bar. It was completely crazy and one of my best memories.”

“Sounds like something Jack would do,” I say, taking her hand and lacing our fingers together. Back in the day, he hijacked an ice cream truck for the kids when they came around the clubhouse. Taking a ride to Hershey for a Kit Kat doesn’t surprise me.

“He always did things over the top. Christmas especially,” she continues, diverting her eyes back to mine. “He would dress up every year and whether my parents were together or not, he was there every Christmas, sneaking out the door in that ridiculous costume after having dropped the presents under the tree. I think I was thirteen when he finally came clean.”

“You got a lot of good memories, baby,” I tell her.

She nods her head in agreement, but something is off. Like I’m in tune with Jack’s maker, I’m just as familiar with Lacey’s and right now that vile bitch is flooding my girls head with doubt.

“I went to see him today,” she reveals. “My dad, I went by his house. I was ticked that he interrupted our plans and I was going to tell him to lay off you.”

“Lace—”

“I didn’t get the chance,” she interrupts. “Reina answered the door and told me to leave.” She pauses to shake her head and I watch as her eyes fill with tears. “I’ve never seen her like that,” she whispers. “So emotionally drained.”

Reina isn’t one to get bent out of shape about anything. That woman keeps her emotions in check at all times. If she breaks, no one knows.

“I forced my way inside and that’s when I saw him,” she continues, and the tears fall down her pretty face. “He looked so frail, so broken and battered. The only other time I remember seeing him like that was the day Junior died. The Lithium isn’t working for him anymore, Blackie,” she cries.

My body goes rigid as I process her words.

“Reina says the doctor wants to try another medication, but he’s refusing because there are physical side effects and he’s not ready to deal with that.”

Stuck on the news that Jack’s medication is no longer working, the rest of Lacey’s words fall on deaf ears as I replay the last few weeks over in my mind. Him being off Lithium explains a lot—like the fucking dead paramedic and the one gagged in the safe house, the erratic behavior and the reckless thoughts. It also means Pipe is right and I’m a whole lot closer to taking Jack’s place than I’d like to be.

“Blackie?”

Snapping out of it, I turn to her.

I might be losing my place as Jack’s right but she’s losing the first man she’s ever loved. She’s losing the man she looks up to, to the same illness she suffers from and I don’t know how to fix that. I don’t know how to make that right. It’s another broken promise. Another failure.

“I’m sorry,” I tell her, bringing my hands to her face.

I’m sorry for being so fucking consumed with my own shit, that I missed the signs. I’m sorry I was too busy getting drunk to be here for you when you needed me. I’m fucking sorry for everything but most of all I’m sorry our life together is doomed.

“Will you talk to him?”

“Yeah, baby, I’ll talk to him,” I assure her.

“You can’t tell him I saw him like that. Reina will be upset with me and he’ll never forgive her for letting me in the house while he was in that state. Just tell him my therapist let it slip.”

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