Page 41 of Blackout

“It’s half the reason,” I admit, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. “Before Marjorie fired me or laid me off—whatever you want to call it, I had a breakdown in the bathroom.” His face goes rigid and I hold up a hand, stopping his next question. “Before you ask, I took my medication.”

“You’ve been stuck in bed for days, Lacey. I’m the one who brought you your pills every morning. I know you’re taking them,” he says.

Drawing my lower lip between my teeth, I nod and divert my eyes away from him.

“Maybe, I’m getting the flu or something. I threw up too,” I reveal. Anything not to express my fears of the meds not working. “I’ll be better tomorrow,” I reply. “I just need to sleep.”

Turning my attention back to him, I can tell he’s refraining from saying whatever is on his mind. Instead, he gives me a nod.

“How about I draw you a bath?” he suggests. “I’ll order dinner and we can finally finish watching that Gaga flick.”

“Can I take a raincheck? I really just want to crawl into bed.”

Swallowing, he gives me another nod before releasing a ragged breath.

“Yeah,” he mutters softly.

Looking conflicted, he gets out of the car. As I watch him round the front, I understand the pain he felt a couple of weeks ago when he confessed to relapsing. The guilt and shame he harbored. I get it because right now, I feel the exact same emotions. It’s horrible to look at the person you love most in this world and know there is nothing you can do to ease their pain. It doesn’t matter how much we want to be better for one another, we’ll always watch each other battle ourselves.

Opening my door, I slide out of the car. He closes the door for me, and I reach for his hand. Together we walk towards our house. He opens the door and I don’t bother taking my coat off as I head for the stairs. Lifting my foot onto the first step, I pause and glance over my shoulder at him. Leaning against the closed door, he keeps his eyes aimed at his boots.

“I love you,” I whisper.

Keeping his head down, he lifts his gaze to me.

“I love you too,” he says huskily. “All of you, every perfection and every flaw.”

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