Page 78 of Blackout

Combing her fingers through her hair, she walks towards the window and glances aimlessly through the slotted blinds. Neither of us say anything for a moment and the longer the silence drags out between us the farther she drifts into her head. Not willing to lose her to her mind, I play the same old record. When in doubt, apologize.

“I’m sorry.”

If I had a dollar for all the times I’ve uttered those two fucking words I’d be a millionaire.

“What exactly are you sorry for Blackie?” she questions, glancing at me.

Shrugging my shoulders, I answer truthfully.

“Everything. If I had to list all the reasons we’d be old and withered by the time I was finished.”

She nods, looking back out the window.

“Kind of like my father will be the next time he sees the light of day.”

“Lace—”

“It’s not a shock,” she continues, laughing sarcastically. “I’ve always known it was a possibility, but my father has a way of making people believe he’s untouchable. It’s that God complex of his,” she says, pausing to shake her head. “The charges never stick, the maker never wins…he just keeps going. I guess everyone’s luck runs out eventually.”

“His luck didn’t run out, Lacey, mine did,” I admit, walking towards her. “I tried to convince him otherwise, told him I’d fight the charges but maybe if he heard it from you—”

“What are you saying?”

Turning to me, I watch her blink and tears fall from the corners of her eyes. Angrily she brushes them away with the backs of her hands. I close the distance between us and drop my hands to her hips, tugging her close. Keeping one hand in place, I lift the other and tuck a tendril behind her ear.

“I’m saying your father don’t have to do this. I’ll lawyer up and take my chances.”

“And if you lose? Where does that leave us? I’m not saying I wish he’d change his mind because that means I lose you. I’m just so tired of having to choose at all. First, I’m forced to choose between my mental health and our baby, and now, I have to choose between my husband and my father. It just doesn’t seem fair.”

“You’re going to resent me,” I grind out.

I’m the one making her choose. I’m the one who put us all in this situation. I get off free and clear while Jack rots in a cell. Reina loses her husband, Lacey and Danny lose their father. The club loses their leader and Jack…he loses his fucking mind and the chance to watch his family grow.

She’s right.

There ain’t nothing fair about it.

Not a damn thing.

“Maybe not now, but one day, when you want to pick up the phone and call him, you’re going to look at me and you’re going to fucking hate me.”

Pulling away from me, she sighs exasperatedly and shakes her head with mild disdain etched across her features.

“I’m not sure if it’s just you or if it’s a criminal thing…maybe it’s addict thing, but loving you is exhausting at times. I feel like I’m constantly reminding you, assuring you…that you’re worthy of my love and affection. It’s crazy,” she says, pausing for a beat.

Tearing my eyes away from her, I bow my head and let her words sink in. There is nothing else for me to say. No clever rebuttal to fire back. Finally finding the courage to lift my gaze back to her, I find her by the stairs. With one foot on the bottom step, she lifts her head and turns to me. With a profound sadness radiating from her eyes, she speaks, tearing my heart from my chest with every word.

“For a man who is so sure of himself when he’s holding a gun, you’re awfully insecure when its my heart you’re holding in your hand.”

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