Page 80 of Blackout

“If you’re asking if I know about the deal, then yes,” I say pausing for a beat. “Part of me wants to be angry and the other part isn’t sure if I should thank you…the only thing I know for sure is that I’m going to miss you,” I rasp. My vision blurs as my voice crackles with emotion.

“That’s what phones are for, Lace,” he replies roughly. “You can come up and visit too. I’m not dying.”

Funny, it sure feels that way.

“How’s Reina handling it?” I ask changing the direction of the conversation. Hearing him sigh, I hug my legs a little tighter and think back to the day I showed up unannounced at their door. She looked devasted then. I could only imagine how she is now.

“Reina knew what she was marrying, Lace. I don’t think all this comes as much of a shock.”

“And Danny? Does he know?”

A dull ache pinches my heart as I think of my little brother saying goodbye to our dad. Until now I’ve been too selfish to think about him and how losing our father would affect him. Nor did I think about how my father would feel abandoning his young son. He had such high hopes for Danny and him. I think he saw Danny as his second chance. Time had been cut short for him and Junior and he never got to enjoy watching his firstborn son grow. He never got to teach him all the things a father teaches his son or experience any of his milestones. Now, he was being robbed the opportunity of being a father to another son and I couldn’t help feel guilty.

If Blackie wasn’t my husband would my father be signing his life away tomorrow?

“Truth?” he questions hoarsely.

“You haven’t lied to me in twenty-six years,” I answer pointedly.

“This is the best thing for Danny too.”

“How can you say that?” I ask harshly. “He’s going to be heartbroken.”

“Out of sight, out of mind, Lace,” he says in a matter of fact tone. If he was in front of me, I probably would’ve shaken him until he realized how stupid of a comment that was. “This way, I’m doing both of my children a service.”

“You don’t really believe that, do you?”

The idea of him thinking any of us are better off without him breaks my fragile heart.

“With me gone, he’ll be spared the pressure of following in his old man’s footsteps,” he argues, drawing out an exasperated breath. “Look, Lace, it’s too late for me. I’ve made my bed, gotta lie in that fucking thing now, but it ain’t too late for you, Blackie and Danny. Just do me a favor, hmm?”

“What’s that?”

“Take care of your brother. Remind him of me every now and then and always make sure he knows how much I love him. I’m sure Reina will, but you’re his sister,” he rasps, his voice finally breaking. “You’re the only one who knows me as a father and while I might not have been the best, I gave it my all. Make sure he knows that.”

The tears that were blinding me finally fall and the conflicting emotions I felt earlier are replaced with unconditional love, so much love and gratitude for this man. I’m grateful for his sacrifices and for the honor of being his daughter.

“Of course,” I cry. “It will be my honor to make sure Danny knows how blessed him and I are to have you as our dad.”

“I don’t know if blessed is the right word,” he quips.

“I do,” I say softly. “I love you dad and I’ll be forever grateful for everything.”

“Just be happy, Lacey,” he croaks. “Happy and well.”

Brushing away the tears with the back of one hand, I nod as if he can see me and he clears his throat.

“I’m going to ask the district attorney to give me a day to get my affairs in order. If he grants it to me, I want you and Blackie to come to the house, so we can we have a proper goodbye.”

God, I don’t know if I can handle saying goodbye in person. I don’t tell him that, though. How can I begrudge the man anything after all he’s given me?

“Okay, Dad,” I relent. “Whatever you want.”

“Get some rest,” he says. “I love you, Lace.”

“I love you too.”

So much.

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