Page 97 of Blackout

“What’s your gut telling you, Jack?”

“You know what it’s telling me, Black. This was no fucking accident,” he, shouts, pointing towards Reina. “My wife is in that bed because those motherfuckers put her there.”

Nodding, I cross my arms.

If Javier put Reina in that hospital bed, Jack’s gonna make him fucking bleed.

“Well, then we go with your gut. Whether it’s you and me alone or with an army behind us, we follow your instinct. It’s the only lead we got.”

“Jesus Christ,” he mutters.

“What?”

“And what if my gut is wrong? Wolf is right, Blackie. We can’t afford—”

“Your gut has got us through a lot of shit, Jack. It’s saved our asses more times than I can count.”

“It only takes one time,” he hisses, lifting his index finger between us. “One fucking time and look what happens. I shouldn’t have set up that meeting with Javier. You know it and so do I. If we’re being honest with each other, you knew my mind was all over the place and that it was a bad idea from the get go. The thing is, reservations and all, you stood next to me in the paper factory and when the bullets started flying, you threw your body in front of mine like a human shield knowing very well I was off my meds.”

Human shield.

There are those words again.

“What are you getting at?”

“When does it stop, Blackie? When do you become like the rest of them? When do you start to question if it’s my gut that’s leading us into hell or my fucking mind?”

It stops when I get out. When the charges go away and we’re both free. It fucking stops when the guy responsible for Reina’s situation is laid to rest. It fucking ends when we know the people we love are safe.

Until then, we do what we know and we pray it’s enough.

“I don’t know how to be anything other than what I am and I’m the man who stands tall at your right.”

“You don’t stand with me anymore, Blackie. You stand with Wolf. Maybe not at his right, but you still stand behind him.”

“Not today,” I snap, lifting my head to stare at the clock hanging on the wall behind the nurse’s station. “I need you to do something for me,” I say hoarsely. My vision blurs and for a brief second, it’s not Jack standing in front of me, it’s Lacey. She smiles at me and suddenly, time stops. The love I’m ruining and all the days I’ll miss come crashing down on me and it feels like I’m struggling to come off a bad high.

It feels like I’m overdosing on pain.

Whether it’s hers or mine, I’m not sure.

All I know is it cuts deep.

Through my flesh.

Through my organs.

Through my marrow.

Through my fucking soul.

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