Page 63 of Blackout: Book Two

“Part of what we do here is help our patients determine what their faults are and early on in his recovery, I noticed he had a very big problem differentiating sins from circumstances. He was quick to blame himself for things he had nothing to do with. Now, he’s realizing not everything is his fault and I don’t think he’ll try to make amends for things he knows he didn’t have a hand in doing.”

Reina nods in response and Sunny asks if anyone else has anything else they’d like to ask. When no one replies, she stands and exits the room. Five minutes later, she returns with Blackie at her side. He greets me first, hugging me just as he did the last time, I visited…like hugging me is as crucial as air. We finally pull apart and he acknowledges everyone individually.

I grow anxious once everyone is seated. My heart starts to race, and my head starts to feel crowded. There is no room for common sense or logic. My maker is filling all the space with her wicked ways. Still, I try to focus. I ignore the noise and stare at my husband. There is a brief pause after Sunny gives him the green light to begin where he seemingly looks around the room trying to decide who he should be making amends with first. His gaze finally lands on Riggs.

“Riggs,” he starts, drawing in a breath.

“Dominic,” Riggs says, turning to Sunny. “I’m supposed to call him that, right?”

“You can call him whatever you like.”

“In that case,” he begins, looking back towards Blackie. “…whatcha got for me, motherfucker?”

Blackie’s lips quirk slightly as he leans his elbows on his knees. Riggs takes his sunglasses off and looks him in the eye.

“Over the years, I’ve put you in several situations where you’ve had to leave not only your woman but your children too, just to clean up after me. I’ve compromised your freedom, asked you to lie and at times I even asked you to risk your life to save my ass and cover my tracks. I took advantage of our friendship. Of our brotherhood. That day you came looking for me and found me in the cemetery, I knew you were angry and not just because you punched me. I saw it in your eyes. I heard it in your every word. I let you down and for all of that, I’m sorry. I can’t change what I’ve done. I can only tell you that your friendship means a lot to me and I don’t take you for granted. Making amends with you means living to prove how much I value you in my life.”

“Shit,” Riggs mutters as he slides his sunglasses back on. “That’s heavy,” he adds, blowing out a breath. In all the years I’ve known Riggs, I can count on one hand how many times he’s showed any kind of emotion.

“You’re right, I was mad at you. I hated that your wife called me to go looking for you. Not because it was a bother but because I never wanted to be the guy who tells her that you relapsed. Man, I’ve been invested in you guys since the beginning, I’m waiting for the happily ever after just like everyone else.”

What if there is no happily ever after?

“Maybe you won’t have to wait so long,” Blackie replies, his voice full of hope as he glances at me. Jealousy rears its ugly head again and I wish for just one second, I had a shred of the hope he possesses. Riggs and Blackie hug it out before my husband turns his attention to Wolf.

I was kind of surprised he asked Wolf to be present for the amends process but when he apologizes for dropping the gun while being drunk, I get it. He put the club in a bad situation and ultimately as the new president of the Satan’s Knights, the heat fell on Wolf. He also tells him he’s sorry for not being the man the club trusted to lead in my father’s absence and vows, going forward, he will do his best to make the club proud to call him a brother. Wolf accepts his apology and hands him a sobriety patch for his kutte.

Before he moves onto Reina, Blackie reaches into his back pocket and hands Wolf an envelope.

“I know he can’t be here today because of the baby, but can you make sure Pipe gets this?”

Taking it from him, Wolf nods and slides the note into the inside pocket of his kutte.

“He’ll be the first stop I make on my way home, brother.”

Blackie nods his head in appreciation and turns to Reina. Before he can say a word to her, she starts to cry. Taking her hands in his, he makes his amends and apologizes for not being the role model he swore he’d be to Danny and swears from this day forward he will be someone her son can look up to.

I don’t think I can take another minute of this. They’re all so hopeful and accepting, but then again, why shouldn’t they be. They will be able to bounce back if he hurts them again. Their life won’t hang in the balance of his choices. They won’t doubt their existence if he relapses or wonder if they’re the reason.

I watch as Blackie turns to make amends with my father. He pulls out a sheet of paper and unfolds it. His eyes skim over it before he crumbles it in his fist, lifting his gaze to my father.

“You gave me your daughter’s heart and trusted me to take care of it. I never realized how big that was of you until I learned I was having a daughter of my own. These last few months I’ve fallen in love with her and she isn’t even here yet. She’s already the most important person in my life and I would do anything to keep her safe. I can’t imagine giving someone permission to love her and watching that person continuously break her heart. Of all the things I’m sorry for, I’m most sorry about that. I’ve got a lot of amends to make with your daughter and like I asked you for your blessing to marry her, I’m asking for your blessing to love her the way I should’ve from the beginning.”

Tears fill my eyes as I stare at him feeling conflicted. My heart wants to believe every word, but my mind won’t let me.

I’m not the enemy.

I’m only trying to save you.

He will destroy you.

Make you believe everything is fine and that he loves you.

But he doesn’t, really.

Blackie isn’t capable of love.

I shake my head as my father replies. Closing my eyes, I focus on the sound of his voice.

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