Page 32 of Cocky Jerk

Regret fills me instantly. After my mom realized parenting really wasn’t her thing, she enrolled in college and left my dad alone, navigating the waters of single parenthood. Once a week, he’d leave the club behind and take me to Il Perlino for dinner. Dad would have the owners, Carlo and Rosa, sing to me if I ate my vegetables. They did a great cover of “Ti Amo” and by the time I turned ten, I could sing every word right along with them.

Once I became a teen and my dad became fully immersed in the club, our dinners at Il Perlino became less frequent. Now, we only visit our favorite restaurant on my birthday and Carlo and Rosa don’t sing to me anymore. Two years ago, Rosa was diagnosed with throat cancer and had to have her larynx removed. Dad, being dad, helped Carlo keep the restaurant afloat and for one year, he paid all their bills. They were like family to us, and seeing them would’ve been really nice.

“It’s not too late. We can still go,” I suggest. Marco’s meatball hero could wait until tomorrow. “Call Carlo and tell him we’re on our way.”

“No,” Dad says. “Antonia, I’m not going to be played by my own daughter. I understand you want to live your life and to hell with me—”

“Dad—”

“Don’t interrupt me,” he shouts, slamming his hand against the bar. “You’re so much like your mother,” he adds, shaking his head. “Ironic, seeing as you can’t stand her.”

“I can’t stand her because she left me.”

“No, Antonia, she leftme,” he hisses as he shoves the cigar between his lips. It dangles from the corner of his mouth as he continues, “She wanted more from life than this.” He spreads his arms wide. “She wanted to giveyoumore.”

Here we go again. Every time things get rough around here, my father gets in his feelings and goes on about my mother. It’s nothing I haven’t heard before and nothing I won’t hear a million times again.

“That’s why she left. It’s why I funded her education. After she graduated law school and got on her feet, she came for you.” He pulls the cigar from his mouth. “I can still hear the sound of her designer heels clicking across this floor,” he says as he flicks his ashes. “I turned her away, Tonia. She came for you and I turned her away, told her she could be in your life, but this was your home and you belonged here with me, where I could always keep you safe.”

“So she came for me,” I say. “That doesn’t change the script.”

A mother doesn’t take no for an answer when it comes to her child. Yeah, she came back and yeah, my dad refused her, but she didn’t fight. She’s a lawyer, it’s her job to argue, and she didn’t fucking fight. If she really wanted me, she would’ve taken him to court. She would’ve done everything in her power to take me away from here and give me the life she envisioned for me, but that was just an excuse. I was her out, and she fucking took it. All the hate and resentment, the phone calls I continue to ignore and visits I refuse, they are justified and no guilt trip my father dishes is going to change my mind.

“No, it doesn’t,” he says, curling his lip in disgust. “And the sad part is, if I had to do it all over again, I would. I’d send her fucking packing because while she may be your mother, I’m your father and a fancy law degree is going to keep you safer than me and my bare hands.”

Oh, Dad, why couldn’t you be a garbage man or an electrician? A postal employee or even a mechanic. A butcher! That would’ve been the perfect job for him.

“Dad, I’m fine. Nothing is going to happen to me.”

“You don’t know that,” he says hoarsely. “I’m a bad man, Antonia. I’ve made a lot of fucking mistakes and a shit ton of enemies. I want you to live your life. I want you to have a job you love and a family…I want you to have it all, but if I let you live your life…” his voice trails and he swallows. “I don’t know what I’ll do if something happens to you.” Turning to him, I immediately spot the tears in his eyes. “Things aren’t good with the club right now. That’s why I’ve been making you stay here and not the house. We’re like a bunch of sitting ducks, just waiting for Bendetti to strike,” he hisses, roughly swiping a hand over his face.

I straighten in my chair. My dad has never once dropped the name of an associate, much less a rival. Narrowing my eyes, I question him.

“Who is Bendetti?”

Realizing his mistake, he pulls his hand away from his face and quickly shakes his head, dismissing the question as he reaches for the bottle.

“It doesn’t matter,” he says, refilling his shot glass. I watch as he knocks back the shot with ease. Setting the glass upside down on the bar, he brings his eyes back to me.

“You like this job, yeah?”

Honestly, it’s too soon to tell. I like having my independence. I like being part of the workforce. A legit one where I pay taxes, and my paycheck gets deposited directly into my bank account. Until now, any job I’ve had the boss is usually a guy who owes my father a favor or a dollar and pays me under the table with a little white envelope.

“I do,” I admit. “The woman I work for is great and the submissions, well, I probably have enough material to write a book. You wouldn’t believe half the stuff these people ask. I mean, really stupid shit and you just want to tell them to fuck off but you can’t because that’s not professional. Actually, I can’t tell them anything because I’m an intern.”

My dad’s lips quirk slightly so I continue.

“It’s a good steppingstone, though, and I think I can learn a lot.”

“If you really want this I don’t want to stand in your way, but Tonia, you can’t fight me on what I’m about to say.”

I suppress a groan. There’s always a catch.

“Okay,” I caution.

“I want you to continue to stay here until I can get a handle on this thing with the club. In the meantime, you go to work, but someone from the club follows you. They stay with you—”

“Dad, my boss doesn’t know I come from a family of criminals. I can’t have one of the guys sitting at a cubicle next to me.”

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