Page 45 of Fight Or Flight

His brows knit together as he drinks me in for a moment before turning to the end table on the side of the pull-out and grabbing a bottle of water. Handing it to me, he asks, “Does your throat hurt?”

I take the water and quickly unscrew the cap.

No, my heart does.

I take a quick sip and hand it back to him.

“I’m fine. Tell me how you got the flag.”

He eyes me warily before returning the bottle to the table. Then he folds his hands behind his head and stares back at the flag.

“Well, about six months ago, the guys decided to give Kate’s a makeover. They closed the bar to the public and renovated the place. I helped them clean it out, and I asked Stryker if I could take the flag. He said yes, and the rest is history.”

“He didn’t question why you wanted it?”

He smiles.

“Of course he did. How do you think I got in touch with my recruiter?”

When he swore me to secrecy, I assumed that meant I was the only one who knew. I’m not only surprised but curious as to why Stryker hasn’t told Riggs. I may not have schooled myself on the politics of the club, but I observed enough to know those guys were tight. I mean, half of them never met my dad, and they rushed to help move our stuff from Connecticut simply because he once wore the same patch as them.

“Let me see if I got this straight, Stryker knows that you’re enlisting, and he hasn’t told your parents?”

Eric shakes his head.

“No, he knows it’s not his place.”

“But he hooked you up with a recruiter.”

“Well, yeah. Why wouldn’t he? I mean, I told him that I was seriously considering joining the Army, and he was cool. He listened to me and he didn’t treat me like some dopey kid. At one point he told some stories about his deployment and at first, I thought he was trying to sway me, you know try to change my mind, but he was just being straight with me. Stryker respected my decision, but he also wanted me to understand what I would be signing up for and I gotta be honest with you, the things he told me…well, let’s just say he saw some shit and still I came out of that conversation even more determined to serve my country. You know, he said something that really stuck with me… he said, a true soldier doesn’t go to war because he hates the enemy in front of him, he goes because he loves what’s behind him.”

He reaches out and twirls a strand of my hair around his finger.

“So that’s the story behind the flag,” he murmurs. “Now, are you going to go upstairs to bed or are you spending the night here with me?”

I stopped myself from asking him when he planned on telling his parents that he had spoken with a recruiter because then it would be even more real, and I wasn’t sure my heart could take anymore. I had just found him, and I wasn’t ready to accept in a few short months, I’d be losing yet another person in my life.

I totally get that what he’s doing is admirable and joining the military isn’t an automatic death sentence, but he won’t be here to crawl into bed with me. He won’t be here to make fun of the way I drive or tell me stories about my dad, and I can kiss the idea of ever beating him at Monopoly goodbye.

And I swear none of this has anything to do with the fact that I woke up the next morning and found his arms wrapped around me.

Nope, not a damn thing.

Eric is just a friend.

Albeit my only friend, but still just a friend.

Nothing more.

Nothing less.

The pesky little butterflies I feel whenever I’m with him can take a hike.

* * *

I really tried notto overanalyze what waking up with Eric meant or how it made me feel. After an awkward encounter which included me tripping on my way up the stairs and running past Riggs who was in the living room doing what appeared to be some sort of yoga pose, I spent most of the day with my mom. I read to her, played some of her favorite songs on the Bluetooth speaker, and when she fell asleep, I tried to write her a letter.

I didn’t know how to say goodbye and time was running out. There was so much I wanted to say, so many promises I wanted to make her and dreams I wanted to share with her. I put the pen to the paper, but I couldn’t do it.

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