Page 66 of Fight Or Flight

I think about that for a second, and I wait for the regret to seep into my veins. For it to suffocate me. It doesn’t happen. I’ll never bring home a boy to meet my mom, but we’ll always have Eric. She’ll never meet any of my boyfriends or my future husband.

“I can’t be your girlfriend, Eric, because I’ll fall for you. I’ll fall so hard and so fast I won’t know what’s hit me.”

My mom’s voice sounds in my ear, reminding me not to be afraid of love. Maybe if she were here to hold my hand I wouldn’t be choking on my fears.

“And then I will lose you, just like I lost her. Just like I lost my dad. You’ll go away to bootcamp and then you’ll go to wherever you’re stationed, maybe you’ll get deployed, and I’ll be left here all alone. No one will pick up the pieces because your parents don’t even know you’re enlisting and when they find out I knew, I’m sure they won’t be too happy with me and that’s providing I’m still here. This is only a temporary situation, the papers state they’re my legal guardians until I’m eighteen and—”

He covers my mouth with the palm of his hand and those blue eyes I love so much darken fiercely.

“Shut up,” he demands.

He lowers his hand, and I smack my lips together. I’ve never seen him look so angry before.

“I’m going to cut you some slack because you just lost your mom and you’re probably not thinking clearly. But let me make some things clear for you, Brook. You are not alone, and you never will be so long as I’m on this earth. You don’t want to be my girlfriend, fine, but it’s going to get real awkward around here when you try to bring another guy home because this is your home now. My family is your family, and that’s not a temporary arrangement. You are stuck with us. You’re stuck with me for life. So we can spend the next four months ignoring this thing between us. You can avoid me until I leave for basic training, and maybe if you’re feeling generous, you’ll write me once in a while. We’ll see each other when I’m on leave and that will be it. Or, we can spend the next four months figuring this thing out so that when I’m done with basic, you’re the first person I run to. The person who gives me my first hug. My first fucking kiss after fourteen weeks of hell.”

Don’t be afraid of love.

If only it were that easy.

If only my mom were here to hold my hand.

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