Page 140 of Blackout-

“Oh, please, the kid is so fucked they need a word to describe what he is. They think if they wait until she’s five months her father won’t be able to say shit. He doesn’t realize by the time she’s fucking five months he’ll be eighteen and her father can lock him up for statutory rape.”

“How old is she?”

“Fucking sixteen.”

“Jesus,” I whisper. “What a mess.”

“Yeah,” he agrees. “Anyway, that’s why I’m all fucked up. I really didn’t mean to take it out on you, Lace. For what it’s worth, I think you’re going to knock the socks off your husband,” he says. He adds a reassuring wink and I smile in return.

“You don’t think I look like a hooker?”

He shakes his head.

“You look beautiful. Now, what do you say we burn some rubber and get you to your man?”

“Let’s put the pedal to the metal.”

Without another word, he starts up the car and slowly peels back onto the highway. Five exits later, he veers off the Garden State Parkway and follows the GPS to the rehab center. All my insecurities return the minute Nico pulls in front of the main building.

“This only works if you actually get out of the car,” Nico says softly as I stare out the window. My hand moves to the door handle and freezes. I can’t move. I can’t even breathe.

“Lace?”

“I don’t know how to do this,” I whisper.

“You don’t know how to do what?”

Turning my head, I look at him. I have no doubt I resemble a deer caught in headlights but there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m terrified and anxious and a million other things.

“What if he decides he doesn’t want this anymore?”

Nico’s eyebrows shoot up to his hairline.

“What are you even saying right now?”

“He’s clean and sober,” I tell him.

“You’re losing me…wasn’t that the whole point of this?”

Frustrated, I close my eyes.

“Yes, but a recovering addict changes in a lot of ways and the things they loved while they were high aren’t always the things they love, sober.”

“Says who?”

“I’m a drug counselor, Nico,” I cry, desperate for him to see my point.

“Ex-drug counselor and maybe that’s true, maybe Blackie won’t be fond of some of the things he once was but that does not apply to you. You’re his wife, the mother of his child. You’re fucking everything to that guy.”

“I’m acting crazy, aren’t I?”

“Yeah, like…Jack level crazy.”

Exhaling a deep breath, I look back at the building.

“Okay, I’m going to do it. I’m going to go in there.”

“Okay, good idea.”

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