Page 73 of Blackout-

“You don’t really believe that, do you?”

The idea of him thinking any of us are better off without him breaks my fragile heart.

“With me gone, he’ll be spared the pressure of following in his old man’s footsteps,” he argues, drawing out an exasperated breath. “Look, Lace, it’s too late for me. I’ve made my bed, gotta lie in that fucking thing now, but it ain’t too late for you, Blackie and Danny. Just do me a favor, hmm?”

“What’s that?”

“Take care of your brother. Remind him of me every now and then and always make sure he knows how much I love him. I’m sure Reina will, but you’re his sister,” he rasps, his voice finally breaking. “You’re the only one who knows me as a father and while I might not have been the best, I gave it my all. Make sure he knows that.”

The tears that were blinding me finally fall and the conflicting emotions I felt earlier are replaced with unconditional love, so much love and gratitude for this man. I’m grateful for his sacrifices and for the honor of being his daughter.

“Of course,” I cry. “It will be my honor to make sure Danny knows how blessed him and I are to have you as our dad.”

“I don’t know if blessed is the right word,” he quips.

“I do,” I say softly. “I love you dad and I’ll be forever grateful for everything.”

“Just be happy, Lacey,” he croaks. “Happy and well.”

Brushing away the tears with the back of one hand, I nod as if he can see me and he clears his throat.

“I’m going to ask the district attorney to give me a day to get my affairs in order. If he grants it to me, I want you and Blackie to come to the house, so we can we have a proper goodbye.”

God, I don’t know if I can handle saying goodbye in person. I don’t tell him that, though. How can I begrudge the man anything after all he’s given me?

“Okay, Dad,” I relent. “Whatever you want.”

“Get some rest,” he says. “I love you, Lace.”

“I love you too.”

So much.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Lacey

I stayedin the spare room for a while after hanging up the phone and reminisced over my childhood. Memories of times spent with my father danced around my head in vibrant hues. Some brought a smile and others a pang of heartache. I welcomed them both until it became too much. It felt as though the walls were close in on me and before I suffocated, I scrambled to my feet. I knew I didn’t have it in me to go a round with my maker and there was no medicine to keep her at bay anymore. There was just my will to fight and before I lost that, I decided I needed to put myself to bed. Tomorrow would be another emotional day for all of us and if I wanted to survive it, I needed to shut down.

Reaching my bedroom, I pause. My argument with Blackie plays on loop inside my head, rehashing all the harsh things I said. While I’m not all that sorry for them, I’m not one to leave our issues unresolved. At least not if I can help it.

Just as I’m about to turn on my heel and make my way downstairs I hear him call my name from our bedroom. Spinning around, I take another step and stand in the doorway and my eyes connect with Blackie’s. Wearing nothing but a pair low riding sweats, he sits up in bed and leans back against the headboard. His long hair—wet from a shower—hangs around his face and he stares at me with apologetic eyes.

Clearing my throat, I step inside the room and make my way towards my side of the bed. I take a seat on the edge and play with the hem of my t-shirt. The material is starting to irritate my sore breasts. If I wasn’t sure Blackie would take it as an invitation to indulge, I’d rip it off, but unfortunately what’s wrong between us can’t be fixed by a quick fuck. The concerns are real and valid. They can’t be brushed under a rug or ignored. I need him to be present. I need him to stop putting everyone and everything before us.

“I didn’t hear you come up,” I say, breaking the silence between us. “I was just about to go downstairs to find you.”

A dull ache pulses through my head and I lift my fingers to my temples, gently pressing to alleviate the pressure.

Sleep.

I need to sleep.

“I heard you on the phone in the other room,” he responds. “I didn’t want to disturb you, so I took a shower.”

“I was talking to my dad,” I tell him as I pull the sheet back and climb into bed next to him. My head drops onto the pillow and I stare up at the ceiling quietly. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch him staring at me and I sigh. I don’t know how we got to this moment and to be fair, I’m not sure I want to. I just want to fix it and have things go back to normal—or at least our kind of normal. For crying out loud, I can’t remember the last time we crawled into bed together without a nagging weight on our shoulders. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. It’s like we’re never meant to have any kind of peace.

“Lacey…”

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