“How did we go?” I ask as I pull back the barn door. Dean is sitting on the ground, legs crossed, and a new calf cuddling in his lap. He lifts his chin, his hat tilting back to greet me with his incredible gaze. I’ve traveled the world, and never have I met a man with eyes quite like Dean’s. Dark, almost black, but tiny colored flecks pick up the light and glisten back like stars.
“Luna’s a little tired, so I’m keeping this little bull company while she rests.”
“A bull, that’s your first in a while.”
“Yep, the last thirty have been heifers.”
It’s not unusual to have mostly heifer births from milking cows. They actually do everything they can to keep it that way. Bulls aren’t harder to manage, but other than servicing the cows, they aren’t used for much else nowadays on a dairy farm, at least. They used to be used a lot for working the land, pulling carts and farm implements, but Dean didn’t need them to be working animals. He doesn’t like selling them off either, so he’s got a handful on the ranch, and each has its own pasture. The ones that edge onto the surrounding farms. A bull is the best deterrent for trespassers; he’s got signs up along all those fences. “If you climb the fence, you better make it across to the other side in eight seconds because the bull can do it in ten.”
“He looks good. Are the others okay?”
“Yep, a smooth run this time. Sorry you came out for nothing,” he says, and I sit in front of him and reach over to pet the calf.
“I told you; this is the best part of my job.”
“Well then, here you go,” he says, lifting the calf and passing it over. They aren’t exactly light animals at birth, and the muscles of his thick arms bulge under his green flannel. It looks amazing on him, almost as good as the blue one I still have hanging in my room.
The calf wriggles a little but settles into my lap, and I brush my hand over its soft fur.
“I have to tell you something,” I start, keeping my eyes on the calf for fear that if I look at Dean, I’ll lose my nerve.
“Look, you don’t have to say anything. I’m good to just forget it.”
“That’s not what I want to talk… wait, you are?”
I look up now, and he’s rubbing the back of his neck with one hand and adjusting his hat with the other.
“I just mean, like I didn’t expect a repeat or anything. I mean, it was good. You were good. It was great, shit, I’m sorry, you should just talk now. What was it you wanted to tell me?” he asks, and his cheeks turn three shades deeper, and my pulse quickens.
“You know Isabel Mores?”
“Yeah?” he replies with a slight frown creasing his brow. “We went to school with her, and she brings her kid to the cuddle cove at least once a month.”
“So you know Poppy. I mean, of course, you know Poppy. You just said she brought her to the ranch.” My face feels warm, and I can hear my pulse in my ears increasing in tempo with every second that passes.
“I’ve seen her around, yeah.”
“Well, I just found out that she’s mine,” I say, and the moment the words are out of my mouth, the room feels lighter, the cow in my lap does, too. Like the air around me can finally flow freely.
I wait for what feels like forever for Dean to say something. But he’s just staring at me, his eyes blinking softly every few seconds.
“Did you hear what I said?” I ask.
He nods slowly.
“Isabel’s daughter is your child.”
“Yeah, but I only just found out, like two weeks ago. The day of the storm, actually, that day, I mean officially, I found out for sure the next day, but yeah. I’m a dad. Wow, even saying that out loud is weird. I’m a dad. Fuck, this is surreal, right?”
“Surreal, yeah,” he repeats, pushing up and heading over to the back wall, where he starts washing off his hands.
Luna nudges my knee with her head, and I slide her calf off my lap in front of her and head over to Dean.
“You look just as shocked as I was when I heard,” I say, washing my hands under the tap.
“You just found out, so did she not know who the dad was or…”
“She knew. She didn’t want to keep me from being able to leave, travel, or go to vet school, so she didn’t tell me. Then she met Paul.”