Page 101 of Letters to the Lost

Pushing her from me, she falls to the side, her head cracking against the concrete patio as I scramble away from her, terrified she’ll somehow survive this.

Her hands go limp, falling away from her throat and for the second time in my life, I watch someone die.

I have no idea how long I sit there for. I just stare at her unmoving body, her eyes wide open as they look up into the night sky.

There is no overwhelming grief, no sadness, nothing.

She made me a victim at her own hands, made me cower with just a look as she drank herself to unconsciousness. The only thing she had the ability to love was the bottle she cradled as she slept, while me and Chlo starved so she could feed her addiction.

“I hate you,” I whisper into the darkness, her body the only thing I can see as everything around me is enveloped in shadows.

“Autumn! Fuck!” Zander’s panicked shouts reach me, my mind stuck in the haze that now holds me hostage as shock takes over my body, “She’s freezing give me your jacket!”

I feel a warm coat being draped around me, the cologne that lingers reminding me of Atlas then I’m being lifted in someone’s arms.

Everything turns into a big blur; I register nothing as they carry me away from the dance. The only thing I can think of is that I never got to dance with all my men.

“Is she ok?” Someone asks, the voice deep but I don’t register who it is.

“Just in shock. We need to get her home. Have you called Doc?”

“He’s on his way, Brenn too.”

“What about her dad?”

“Him too. Where were the guards?”

“We’ll worry about that later. She comes first.”

“Obviously dickhead. Give me my Cupcake, I need to hold her. I’m shaking, the crazy bitch had a gun.”

Everything else fades away as we get into a car, the soothing motion helping me slip into sleep.

“Autumn, sweetheart. Come on open your eyes.” Doc’s voice fights through the slog.

“Pops?” I rasp.

“Well, I didn’t expect you to be calling me that under these circumstances, but yeah, it’s me. Can you open your eyes for me? We have a lot of worried people here right now.”

Doing the best I can, I pry my eyes open thankful when a bright light doesn’t blind me.

Then everything hits me.

Ikilledher. IkilledJane.

Ikilledsomeone.

My hands start to shake violently as bile crawls up my throat.

Rushing past everyone, I dash for the toilet but never make it, crashing into Dad’s chest instead. The vomit I was desperately trying to hold in, comes out covering his shoes as I bend over, gasping for air.

“Fuck.” Dad shouts, jumping back.

“Come sit down sweetheart. Mrs. McKay, can you get her some water?” Doc asks her, his voice soft as he tries to soothe me.

My men stand around the room, worried looks on their faces, well everyone apart from Dominic. He looks proud.

“Is she dead?” I ask, needing confirmation.

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