Page 103 of Letters to the Lost

I killed her and I have no regrets but I’m sorry that it ever got this far. Maybe if I had fought for survival sooner then I would have been able to save us both.

The notes are coming more often now. Charlie haunts me daily; his words are getting more erratic as he talks about how happy we are going to be together.

I don’t know how much longer I can hold on for. I know they are searching for him, but he somehow manages to evade them at every turn.

I’m scared Chlo, almost as scared as I was the night I lost you. Fear of losing myself to my thoughts, I can see it happening. I’m withdrawing just as I did before, becoming a ghost once more. The guys are scared, their concerned looks when I walk into a room.

I eat and I go to college, but I don’t want to leave my bed. I can’t and some days I don’t. Even when those days have turned from one to a week.

I’m going to try to fight this Chlo, I did promise after all, but I don’t know if I can fight this one again.

I’d rather be dead than back in his arms.

I love you, Chlo.

I’m sorry,

Love,

Mama

X

Chapter 39

Atlas

‘While you’re at it – Jesse Murph’

Another note.

Another bouquet of freshly picked daisies, the dirt still attached to the roots.

Another day I watch the love of my life retreat into herself once more.

He’s torturing her. I was so convinced that once we took care of Jane, Autumn would begin to blossom. Instead, I watch as the girl who ended her own mother's life turn into the girl she was when she first woke up in that hospital.

He may have not been her only monster, but he was her first. A creep who crawled into a child’s bed at night. My fingers twitch, wanting nothing more than to reach for my gun and go hunt him down. The bloodlust rushes through my veins as I imagine watching the life drain from his eyes as I beat him to death.

Unable to take it anymore, I storm from the room and make my way towards hers. She’s been here for nearly two weeks now, taken up permanent residence in her bed. We’ve barely seen her. Any attempts at making her eat are met with silence, she’s a ghost and I can’t do it anymore.

I can’t walk into this room and see her lying there lifeless.

I refuse to stand back and let her rot in her bed anymore.

Throwing her door open violently, the hinges barely hanging on from the force.

“Get up!” I shout.

Any attempt we’ve made at soothing her hasn’t worked. Coaxing her doesn’t work. I need to do something, anything to bring her back to me.

When she doesn’t acknowledge me, the frustration turns to a burning anger inside of me. Furious, I stomp over to the end of her bed and rip the cover from her body.

“GET UP!” I shout once more.

Her dull hazel eyes open, but she makes no move to acknowledge me. She just stares.

Parz’s panicked barks sound from downstairs, his paws clicking against the floor as he rushes to his favorite girl's side. His need to protect her is fierce but she needs me to do this, so with a heavy heart I make my way to her door and close it just before Parz reaches us. His paw clawing at the door as he tries to get in breaks my heart but he’s a barrier between us. He’d bite me before I even got near her.

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