Page 113 of Letters to the Lost

“I only found out because I saw her license. How long do you need to get ready?” she asks me.

“I’ll be ready in like five.”

“Great. I’ll get you at the gates. I’m already on my way.”

Quickly saying goodbye, we hang up. I make a mad dash around the room grabbing clothes to throw on.

Finding my wine-red leggings and a cute jumper, I decide it will do then apply a light coating of mascara. Grabbing my phone from the bed, I shoot off a text to the group chat telling the guys where I’m going and that I’m planning to tell her that I know about her being my bodyguard.

They all reply with support, wishing me luck and saying I love you. It explains why they never minded me hanging with Ellie on my own, she was literally hired to look after me.

Rushing downstairs, I stop by the kitchen looking for my bag when Mrs. McKay stops me.

“Sugar. This is for you, from your father,” She says, handing me a letter my dad’s writing on the front.

“Um…”

“It’s an explanation. You don’t need to forgive him, but I believe some of the answers you deserve are in there,” She says, giving me a quick hug before disappearing back into the pantry.

I stand frozen staring at it as I debate whether I should read it or not.

Fuck it. I can read it now and then pretend it never happened if it’s shit.

The paper rustles in my hand as I tighten my hand around it, inhaling a deep breath of air and then slowly releasing it.

Opening the paper with trembling hands, I skim my eyes over the words that he’s poured out onto it.

Little monster,

There is nothing I regret more in life than letting you and your brother down the way that I have.

I didn’t listen to either of you when it mattered the most, I didn’t listen to others as they told me what was happening. I believed Jane, I didn’tI never should have but I did and now I’ve lost you.

I will do whatever it takes to earn your forgiveness, but I want to explain why I’ve been so secretive.

I’ve been away looking for these threats against you, trying my hardest to protect you before theyFOUNDGot to you again.

You have had such a hard life already; I just wanted you to have normal for a while.

I’ve been dismissive of your struggles and I’m sorry. You are so strong, so resilient. You were the same as a child and I hoped a part of you had held on to that even once you were gone.

I was wrong to put that on you though, I had all of these hopes and plans for once you were finally home. I never should have put all of this on you, I should have let you heal.

Nearly losing you again put the fear of god into me, I would have given anything in that moment for you to be ok.

You wanted honesty, so I’m going to give you it.

I promise.

First, there have been more attacks thanweI told everyone. Jane’s husband had been sending men after you nearly daily. I’ve killed every one of them. The attacks stopped once you killed Jane.

I am so proud of you for ridding yourself of her but I’m sorry you had to.

Secondly, I still can’t find Charlie. I thought we had your stalker when he admitted to it and I’m sorry I didn’t listen but I’m listening now. If you think it’s him then I believe you and I’m going to find him.

Thirdly, my biggest regret was not coming for you when you were found the first time. It’s haunted me from the moment we were told in the hospital.

You and your brother are my proudest achievements in life, and I will spend the rest of mine trying to make up for my mistakes.

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