Page 12 of Letters to the Lost

“If that is what you want Little Bear, then I’ll try. But I don’t think I can ever forgive him fully for what you have suffered through.”

Turning to Dad, I look him over, realizing how tired he looks, his eyes are ridden with sadness, more than when I first looked into them that day, in the hospital.

“I need to go to this program so I can start to unpack all of this. We can talk about it all when I’m home, but right now, I don’t have it in me to hash this out, I feel like I’m on the edge and one more thing is all it’s going to take to throw me right back over,” I reply, my tone brokering no arguments.

I need them to drop this, I need it to be done with this for now. At least, until I’m home again and have better coping mechanisms.

Too many secrets are being revealed and I need to talk to my men about some things before I get discharged. Six weeks is a long time to let things fester, I need to get everything off of my chest. I need the truth before I go, otherwise, I’ll be too distracted to focus on myself.

That is the priority now. Myself. Getting better. Mental health might not be curable, but I can try to manage it, get an official diagnosis, and go from there with my family to support me.

“Can I have a second alone with the guys, please?” I look to my dad and Brenn, needing them to leave so I can have some privacy for this discussion.

“Sure, Little Bear, we’ll go take a walk or something,” Brenn says, kissing the top of my hair affectionately.

“We’ll talk about everything once you are home again, Little Monster. You deserve the truth.” Dad states, kissing me on the head like Brenn.They both leave the room, leaving me alone with five very guilty-looking men.

“Well?” I interrupt the suffocating silence, seeing as no one else wants to start.

“What do you want to know Princess?” Zander asks me, his normally open face guarded, the scar running across his nose and over his cheek pulled at his downturned lips.

“How did you all end up working for my dad?”

“Underground fighting. My parents own a very prestigious security company that looks after celebrities and high-profile people. They trained me from an early age. I was good at it too, but I always felt like I needed more. So, I got into underground fights, and I lived for it. Spilling blood, no limitations to what I could do, within reason, of course.”

“And you enjoyed it?”

“I loved it, Princess. I lived and breathed it. It was all I could think about, and it consumed my every thought. I put all of my energy into training for my fights, I even gave up training to take over my parent’s company.”

“Why did you stop?” I ask, curious that he would give up something he loved so much.

“Because I nearly died. Doc was there that night working; your dad was also there but I think he was scouting for a new fighter. My opponent hit me in the temple, knocking me out but I hit my head on something on the way down and it nearly killed me. Your dad offered me a job as one of his enforcers if I stopped fighting in dodgy clubs. Told me if I needed to fight, he’d set me up in one of his own clubs, where it was controlled, rather than nearly killing myself for the rush.”

“And you just took it?” I ask skeptically.

“Princess, I knew exactly who your father was the moment he approached me. Doc saved my life and convinced me that Kelvin was a good man to work for. I knew I would never be happy working for my parent's company, so yes I took the chance and it all paid off. It also gave me you; I have no regrets about my choices,” Zander tells me. I understand needing something so much that you’ll do just about anything to get it.

“Okay, I understand.”

Zander visibly deflates right in front of my eyes, a smile pulling at his lips when he realizes all I wanted was the truth.

I’m not going to judge them on things they have done for my dad, these men have been my everything for the last ten months and have never judged me for what I have been through. I can afford them the same.

“OK, who is next?” I ask the others, wanting to get all of this out in the open so I can feel like I can breathe easier. I hate the secrets between us all, I don’t want any more from this moment.

“I guess me...” Sebastian pipes up from next to me “I don’t have a massive story about how I came to work for your dad. I’m a hacker and I’m a damn good one. I love my parents, and I’m sure they love me, but they always expected more from me because I was smart in school. My love was always computers though, whereas my parents wanted me to be a doctor or a lawyer. Your dad caught me hacking one of his businesses and instead of killing me, he saw a stupid teenager, too smart for his own good, and so he hired me. That’s pretty much it.” Sebastian spills out, barely taking a breath.

“Ok… He treats you well though, right?”

“I have the best PC set-up I could ever ask for, and he pays me well. Plus, he hasn’t killed me for being in love with his…” he pauses, seeming to realize his slip-up since we haven’t said that to each other yet. His cheeks turn pink, the color traveling down his neck. Clearing his throat, he looks around the room, before landing back on my face, his gaze softening when he sees I’m just as red as he is.

“Later,” I mouth to him before focusing on Dominic, who is doing everything he can to avoid looking at me.

“Dominic?”

“I don’t want you to look at me any differently,” he’s looking at the floor, his blonde hair desperately needing to be cut.

“I would never,” I adamantly deny.

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