Page 14 of Letters to the Lost

“What?”

“Cupcake. You don’t call me Autumn; you call me Cupcake.”

“You still want me to?”

Autumn’s hand reaches out, clasping my own in hers. She squeezes my hand reassuringly, her soft hazel eyes gazing into mine with so much love.

“Of course I do, but only if you finish telling me everything.”

“Anything for you Cupcake,” I assure her. I’m rewarded with a blinding smile; it still doesn’t reach her eyes but it’s good enough for now.

“So have you?”

“What? Tested how much blood someone can lose before they die?”

She nods.

“I have. Not straight away, of course, but that will come much later in the story.”

“Apologies. Please carry on,” she laughs, the sound like music to my ears.

“I told you about my mom Kathleen. Well, she got a call one day, before she had adopted me officially. My biological mom was fighting to try to get custody of me again. I hadn’t seen this woman in years and didn’t have a clue as to who she was. Kathleen was devastated, but she understood. Being a fosterer was about reunification, that’s always the preferred option.”

Autumn gasps, covering her mouth with her spare hand. Her other one clasped tightly in mine, lending me her light for this part of the story.

“Please tell me you didn’t get placed back with her,” Autumn asks, her voice cracking.

“No Cupcake, I didn’t but it was close. I had supervised contact with her for a while, but one day she never showed up.”

“What happened?”

“She had overdosed on heroin, found in an alleyway. She didn’t die, but she proved that I wasn’t good enough for her to get clean. She showed up one night, high as a kite at Kathleen's door, begging for money. Not to see me, not for help but for money for drugs. Kathleen told her no, and to get the hell off of her property, that she didn’t deserve me and that she was going to make sure that I grew up knowing I was loved by the mom who wanted me.”

“Kathleen sounds badass,” Autumn smiles, her eyes shining with tears, a few escaping down her cheeks.

Wiping them away for her, I gently clasp the side of her face using my thumb to catch her tears.

“She is. My biological mother didn't like that though, she wasn’t used to someone telling her no, humiliating her like that. So, she got her revenge that nearly killed Kathleen.”

“What did she do?”

“She told her dealers that Kathleen had their money. They showed up one day and nearly beat her to death when she didn’t hand it over. They raided her house; my brother and I were at school, and we walked in after to find our house smashed up on the inside and a bleeding Kathleen on the kitchen floor unresponsive.”

Pulling Autumn in for a gentle kiss, I savor it. The feel of her soft pillowy lips against mine, the slight saltiness from her tears. I memorize it all, in case this is the last time.

“When I was old enough, I hunted those men down. I have only ever recoiled at the sight of two people's blood in my life, Cupcake. Kathleens and yours. There is a wrongness to it that hits my soul, instead of the rush I get when I normally see it, I feel physically sick at the sight of yours like it’s a crime to see it spilled.”

“I’m sorry Dominic,” she whispers, her voice small again.

“You don’t get to apologize for that Cupcake. I will hunt down your mom for you, I will make her suffer for everything she has done. For what she had done to Chloe. I swear it.”

“Did you make those men suffer?” She asks me, her voice timid.

“If I tell you yes, will you look at me differently?” I ask her, needing to know. It won't change my answer, but I still need to brace myself for the disgust on her face when I let her know I’ve killed people.

“I don’t think I could. I should, I know that. But a part of me wants those people to suffer horribly. I am so sick of people thinking they can do shitty things and get away with it. I know you, not for the things you have done to other people, however horrible they might be. I know who you are because of the way you’ve treated me, because you call to a part of my soul that was so dark that I never thought I would get it back.”

“Youwillnever get that back, Cupcake. That blackened piece of your soul belongs to me, it always will. Make no mistake, I want to possess every single part of you until I consume you.”

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