Page 26 of Letters to the Lost

“I don’t even know that I’m doing it,” I tell him honestly. I don’t want to hurt myself; I want to be better, but it has only been less than a week since it happened and I need to not put so much pressure on myself, something me and my psychologist have discussed.

“How did you end up here?” I ask once again, determined to get this conversation back on track.

“Well, it wasn’t the only information that he gave up. Apparently, Jane is working with your dad’s old rival, and they have men watching you here. Now before you panic your dad sent men of his own with you when you left, to keep watch from the outside but I figured that I’m the most mentally unstable one of all of us and that it would make more sense for me to be here, this way you have someone guarding you from the inside.”

“Do the others know?”

“Nope,” he laughs “I didn’t want them to risk pulling you from the program because they are worried about your safety. You need to be here; this is the best place for you, and I won’t let anyone impact your healing process.”

“So, you won’t be a distraction?” I ask, my eyebrow raised questioningly.

“No promises Cupcake, you are very distracting after all.”

“Flatter much! Will everyone be mad when they find out?”

“Probably, but that doesn’t matter to me right now. What matters is you getting better, and I’ll be right here to hold you if you need me to. I might even do a few myself.”

“You will?”

“Can’t hurt right?”

“No, it definitely couldn’t.”

Chapter 11

To my Chlo,

My new therapist suggests that I try to write to you. That it will maybe help with the grief that sits heavy on my chest. I don’t think the pain of losing you will ever truly go away, there’s a piece of me missing without you. I dream of you; of the life you could have lived. Sometimes I wake up screaming your name, the nightmares of that night playing on repeat and no matter how hard I try I can never change the outcome.

Can you see what has become of me since you left? Are you disappointed in me by what I tried to do? I know if you had been here, it would have never happened. I had the thoughts so often when we lived with Jane, that I could so easily do it, but I could never bring myself to leave you. That’s what I did in the end though, wasn’t it? I chose to come back.

I’m going to try to live again, for both of us.

I love you Chlo. I miss you,

Mama

X

Chapter 12

Sebastian

“Have you heard from Dominic at all?” Atlas asks me, his head resting against the passenger seat window while we drive to check on one of Kelvin’s chop shops that he believes has been skimming money from him.

“Not a thing, think he’s ok?”

“Honestly, he’s gone missing for longer with no communication. He only really showed up every single day once Autumn was here, he’s probably struggling with her being away,” he replies, his eyes roaming over the streets as we move further into the rougher parts.

I hate coming out here, it reminds me of the state of Autumn’s old house and the conditions some of these people are forced to live in because they have to work shitty jobs that don’t pay great. Voicing as much, Atlas looks over to me, his eyes filled with pity.

“We can’t save them all, I know Kelvin tries but not everyone wants to get mixed up in this life,” Atlas says, his eyes moving back to the streets where a young boy is playing with a girl about his age.

“Do you ever wonder what life would have looked like for you both if she never got taken?” I ask him, watching as his eyes shine with emotion as he watches the two kids.

You can see the bond they have from here, how he follows her around like a shadow as she skips down the sidewalk.

“All the time. I sit and think about how I would have asked her to go to prom with me, or our first silly date where I would have taken her to the pizza place we both loved, and her dad would have made Brenn come along to make sure I had her home before seven.”

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