Page 37 of Letters to the Lost

“No, I agree. We all messed up, so let us apologize to you like normal boyfriends. Nothing extravagant, small presents or datesseparately,” Zander says from her side, pointedly looking at Dominic as he does.

“Hey, I’m all for groveling. She deserves it,” Dominic says, his hands raised in mock innocence which is completely shattered by the knife that still rests in his hand.

“If you are all apologizing. Then I want too as well, it’s only fair.”

“You don’t have to, Babygirl,” I tell her, not wanting her to feel like she has to apologize for anything. She had her reasons for hiding things from us, and while we had ours too, I feel like we failed her by not noticing how bad she had gotten.

“I do, but we need to agree to keep it small. So, tell me your favorite baked goods and I’ll make them for you.”

“God, you are just too cute,” Atlas groans from his spot at the bottom of the bed, his hand resting on her lower leg.

“Shut up,” she laughs, kicking him gently with her foot.

“What do you want to do for your first night back Babygirl?” I ask her, wanting her first night back to be perfect. So, whatever it is she wants to do, we’ll do it.

“Chinese food, Lord of the Rings, and puppy cuddles?” she asks with a slight pout.

“Anything you want Princess,” Zander says, kissing her forehead while he extracts himself from his cuddles with her. Atlas swoops in as soon as the space beside her is free, his whole-body shuddering as he blows out a breath.

I watch in amazement as his shoulders relax and the furrow that has been permanently between his brows since she left smooths out.

We spend the rest of the night cuddled up in her room, both dogs lay at her feet while we all watch the movies. Dominic sneaks off to the basement when Autumn falls asleep, while she may know what he does she doesn’t need to ever know the details. Something she agreed about.

Just having my girl home again makes the tension I have been carrying the last six weeks disappear, but I don’t think it will ever truly disappear while she’s still in danger. The house is now crawling with men, extra cameras have been placed around the property and we will always be carrying our weapons now. Autumn won’t be without a shadow ever again. We’ll give her space but not much of it while we ensure her safety, but she doesn’t seem to mind as much anymore.

Falling asleep to the sound of Autumn’s even breaths as she sleeps soundly, I fall into a deep sleep for the first time since she left.

Chapter 17

To my Chlo,

I did it. I spent six weeks in the program, and I focused on trying to live again. I learned how to deal with the dark thoughts that try to take over my mind, and my therapist told me that it’s okay to try to grieve for you finally. That it’s not me being selfish and letting go, but that I’m freeing you.

I still miss you though, I think I always will.

But it feels good to let the grief that was hurting my heart out a little. I’m probably going to cry a lot, and I’m kind of tired of crying but my therapist says that’s ok too.

I apologized to the guys for not opening up to them. I think you were right about me being stupid. For the first time in my life, I feel loved and not like a burden. I feel supported.

My heart still hurts not having you here. I miss the loud mornings where you would scream my name to wake me up. I’m also sorry that I never got that spider that morning.

I love you Chlo,

Love

Mama

X

Chapter 18

Autumn

“How are you feeling about being home?” My therapist asks me over the video call, the laptop rests on my bed while I sit cross-legged on the cover.

The soft noise of the fan in the laptop fills the silence as I contemplate my answer, not sure how to word my response.

I’ve been home for a week now, but I can’t shake the anxious thoughts constantly swirling in my mind or the feeling of always being watched. Even sitting in the garden, I feel eyes on me, tracking me but whenever Dad sends his men to investigate there’s nothing.

---