Page 45 of Letters to the Lost

“I messaged Dad, he’s devastated he wasn’t here but refuses to allow anyone else to search for Jane. He wants me to tell you he loves you though.”

Grabbing my phone from the table in front of me, its surface already covered in snacks even if they are all still making more. I shoot off a quick text to Dad, telling him that I love him too before replying to the girl's group chat with Ellie and Shan. Reassuring them that I’m okay.

I Facetimed with them for advice this morning, having never attended a funeral I didn’t want to dress too formally but the girls helped me decide on the black sundress, perfect for what I needed to do.

My soul still feels torn, and my heart doesn’t feel like it will ever work properly again, but a part of me feels healed. That I made the right decision to let her go. I’ll never forget her, I don’t think I could even if I wanted to, but I know I couldn’t hold on to her forever. That was never going to be fair to either of us.

“We have food Sunshine!” Sebastian announces as he enters the room, the smell of my chicken curry making my stomach growl.

“We also have this,” Zander declares, pulling a beautiful bouquet of flowers from behind him. Pink tulips with baby’s breath and fern leaves, already cut and placed in a beautiful terracotta vase, nearly make the tears fall again but I manage to hold them back.

“Thank you.”

“Let's get this move started!” Atlas claps his hands, as Tobias and Dominic both carry plates and cutlery for us all.

“So how is Gabriella the real villain?” Sebastian argues with Dominic. Dominic’s eyes light up as he prepares his speech as if he’s been waiting for this moment for a long time.

“Well, Gabriella was a science nerd, right?”

“Yeah?” Sebastian questions.

“And Troy was a basketball player, right?” Dominic carries on.

“Uh huh,” Sebastian says, his tone and face confused, mirroring us all as we wonder where Dominic is going to take this.

“So, they had their clubs! Things that went on their school record will get them into the college they want. Sharpay and Ryan both did theater for years and even spoke about wanting to go into that industry. Then Gabriella and Troy sing togetherONE TIMEand take over the entire musical. Sharpay and Ryan get pushed out, Gabriella and Troy still do their clubs though, because of course they do. It’s just bullshit!” Dominic finally finishes his rant, barely breathing through the entirety of it.

“How did you get so passionate about High School Musical?” Atlas asks, barely containing his laughter, but Brenn snorts, soda flying out of his nose making us all lose it.

Dominic pouts on the floor at my legs, Nanook and Parzival cuddled up on either side of him, huffing when they are disturbed by all of us laughing.

Love swells in my chest once the laughter dies off, everyone smiling.

Even though my heart still hurts, it feels like a small shard has found its way back thanks to my family. I know if I hadn’t had them with me, I would have spiraled back into the darkness that sucked me under last time.

Chapter 20

To my Chlo,

I finally let you go today, I buried your box under the tree I would tell you about as a baby, where me and the emerald-eyed boy with the midnight hair would trade secrets and candy.

I’ll visit all the time, and I’ll tell you more stories. I promise you won’t be alone.

I gave you Lois, he was my bear when I was your age. He kept my nightmares away, just like Bun did for you.

My heart hurts without you. The empty space on my dresser stares back at me, a small placement of dust the only indication that your box sat there for a year.

I hope you aren’t mad that I’ve finally done this, that I’m trying to grieve to be able to move on. To try to be happy.

I love you Chlo, forever.

Love

Mama

X

Chapter 21

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