Page 5 of Letters to the Lost

Doc leads us out of the waiting room and towards where our girl is. Walking into the room nearly makes my knees give way, it’s so much like last time. The sterile white room, with the sterile white bedding, makes the blood that has dried to her skin, stand out. Wires surround her, and an IV once again punctures her skin, the beeping of the heart monitor is the only thing letting us know that she is still with us, that she hasn’t given up yet. Everyone shuffles into the room, taking up posts around her bed but giving Doc enough room to get to her.

“Will she wake up soon?” I ask.

“Hopefully, but you need to prepare for whatever sort of mental state she might wake up in.”

Kelvin and Brenn take seats to her right, while Sebastian and Atlas take the left, and the rest of us position ourselves at the end of the bed. My eyes stay fixated on the monitor, watching the green line jump up and down, the only thing reassuring me right now until she opens her eyes and speaks.

A raspy cough pulls my attention from the heart monitor screen to the newcomer walking through Autumn's hospital room door, his short frame and buzz cut hair reminding me of the teachers at my old military school, but his brown eyes are kind.

“Hello there, I’m Doctor Karskin. I wanted to talk to Autumn’s father about a therapy program I run, that I think she would be perfect for.” He tells the room, as his gaze roams over us all, searching for Kelvin.

“That would be me,” Kelvin states standing from his seat, the chair scraping against the floor as he pushes it back.

“Would it be ok if we stepped out so I can discuss my program with you?” Doctor Karskin asks as he shakes Kelvin's hand.

“Whatever you need to discuss, can be discussed in front of everyone. We all have a vested interest in Autumn’s well-being. Please, sit.”

Kelvin directs him to sit in the chair next to Zander, while he continues to stand.

Looking over at Sebastian, I can see that he already has his phone out, searching up the doctor and seeing if this ‘program’ is legit or not. While the doctor discusses the treatments that he does at his program, Sebastian gives me a single nod, letting me know it is legitimate.

We all listen intently to the doctor while he discusses everything with Kelvin in detail, even Doc refuses to leave the room, standing sentry by Autumn’s bedside.

“Will she be able to leave if she wants to?” Zander asks.

“Of course, she will, we have no intention of holding her prisoner there. She would be free to leave if she wishes to, but we would strongly advise against it…” Doctor Karskin replies, his gaze roaming over Autumn’s still form, his lips pull into a grim line “I’ll come back later once she’s awake, I believe that Autumn should have some say in this decision. I will leave my number with you, just give me a call once she is awake and is ready to talk.”

He shakes all our hands firmly, before striding out of the room.

It feels like I’ve been sitting here for days, not hours. My ass is numb from sitting on the solid plastic seats and the coffee tastes awful, but I refuse to move from my spot, I can’t. I feel like if I leave, something will go wrong, that somehow something will happen to her again.

I know deep down I'm just being paranoid, but I can’t help it. My thoughts are chaotic right now, I feel like I’m spiraling but I don’t think I can stop,not until she opens her eyes.

Not until I know, she is okay.

Chapter 3

Autumn

Voices surround me, both familiar and unfamiliar, their tones are solemn, but I can’t make out what is being said. They sound like they are underwater, their voices distorted. My head swims, a groan builds in my throat, and the dizziness makes me feel like I’m going to be sick.

“It’s okay baby, we got you,” Zander’s deep timbre voice sounds next to me, his hand rubbing over my bicep in a soothing motion.

“Is she awake?” Atlas’s familiar rumble washes over my semi-conscious state, alerting me that I’m undoubtedly surrounded by all my men. What I did flashes through my mind, making me want to hide under the covers in shame and to avoid all the questions that they will all want to ask.

Questions that I don’t have answers to.

How do I tell them that I wanted to die? That I wanted to willingly leave them, after everything they’ve done for me.

“Autumn…Babygirl…Open those gorgeous eyes for us,please,” Tobias begs.

Unable to ignore the plea in his voice, my eyes struggle to open, my brain screaming at me to return to the abyss. The more I come to, the more I can feel how weak my body feels. There’s a dull ache in my wrists from where I cut into them with the blade, the scratchiness of the bandage rubbing against the skin, letting me know that I was found. The pinprick feeling of the IV line connected to my arm, tells me that I’m either in Doc’s room at Dad’s house or the hospital.

Finally, I managed to fully open my eyes, wincing at the bright lights. When my eyes manage to adjust, I look at my surroundings, the sterile room giving away that I am in the hospital.

Concerned gazes surround me, making my skin feel itchy, and making me feel trapped. Just like I was when I stepped into my therapist’s office. Mybreaths start to come in choppy pants, unable to get air into my lungs.

The guy’s panicked shouts surrounded me, making me feel closed in. I know logically that they aren’t going to hurt me, but I know they want answers and I’m so scared to face them, to tell them what I have kept from them for months that I can’t. I just don’t feel brave enough right now.

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