Page 91 of Letters to the Lost

“Then why were you crying?” he scowls, crossing his small arms over his chest.

The sight warming my chest when he resembles Dominic, even when they aren’t related. You can tell he idolizes him; he copies his movements and how he acts constantly. Always showing him what he’s done, seeking Dominic’s validation, and bless his heart Dominic never fails to make this kid feel loved and seen.

“I just got a little bit upset about something, but I’m ok now I promise,” I tell him, smiling at him trying my best to show him I’m good before he freaks out. Before I can say anything else, he runs away, his legs somehow running faster than the rest of his body.

“Dommmm! Autumn’s crying!” Chase shouts running between the adults and my other men as he searches for Dominic.

“Oh no,” I groan, locking myself back in the bathroom bracing myself for the impending stamped of concerned men.

“Cupcake!” Dominic’s panicked voice sounds from the other side of the door, “Why are you crying? Do I need to hurt someone? Atlas! She’s crying, fix it!”

Deciding to put the poor boy out of his misery, I open the bathroom door, unable to contain my laughter as I come face to face with seven very panicked-looking males.

“See! She’s been crying!” Chase shouts, his finger pointing right at me, his other hand pulling on Dominic’s t-shirt frantically.

“Babygirl, are you ok?” Tobias steps forward, his brown eyes scanning over me as always, his brow furrowing when he sees no obvious signs of my distress.

“I’m ok I promise. Me and Ma just talked by Chlo’s tree,” I tell them, pushing my way out of the bathroom so I don’t feel trapped.

I love their concern but being cornered by them like this can be overwhelming.

“You boys really don’t do things in half, do you? Let the girl breathe,” Ma comes over, waving her hand for them to move.

“We’re just worried about her,” Atlas tries to reason with her, but Ma is having none of it and just pushes past them.

“Zander, why don’t you take our girl here to meet your parents? And the rest of you can go speak to your own,” She orders then bustles away.

“What about me?” Chase asks appearing next to me.

“Are you bored ofSonic?” I ask him.

“Mhm. Can I come with you?” he looks up at me with those big brown eyes, pleading.

“Hey buddy, why don’t you come with me?” Dominic offers.

“No. I want to go with Autumn!” he protests, his arms folding across his chest, his foot stomping as hard as it can on the tiled floor.

“Chase. Autumn might not want you to go with her,” Dominic tries his hardest to make him give in, offering candy and games on his phone but Chase just stands his ground.

“It’s ok. He can come with me. Will you save me if I find Zander’s parents too scary?” I joke, holding my hand out for him to take.

“Yup! I’ll be just like Dom! I’ll protect you,” He happily chirps at me, his little hand reaching out for mine.

I pause, my eyes slamming shut as pain rips through my chest.

I have to physically restrain myself from tightening my hand around Chase’s, not wanting to hurt him but the feeling of a child’s hand in mine is not something I ever thought I would for a long time.

Memories of Chlo holding mine on our walk home from school as she talked about her day when she would hold on to it as we watched a movie even after it got sweaty and gross.

Every moment of her hand in mine, I always held on until she let go but I took them all for granted thinking we had a lifetime of it.

There are days when my grief is so raw, that it feels like my body is being ripped apart from the pain. It takes over my entire being and all I do is wish for death. I know that one day I may wake up loving life again, that I may genuinely be happy with being alive. So, for now I wait, I wait, and I push forward, and I try to carve out a better life for the Autumn who will come out on the other side of this darkness happy, even if I still feel a little broken.

Chapter 33

Zander

“Autumn?” I rest my hand gently on her shoulder, trying not to startle her but hating the pain that is on her face.

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