Page 14 of Fighting Shadows

All the feelings I’ve tried to bury come bubbling to the surface, but I can’t get rid of the hollow feeling that sits in my chest now that she’s gone.

I can't bear it.

I spent years living with that feeling that it just became normal.

While I never gave up hope of finding her again, I resigned myself to the fact that I’d always have to live with it. Then we found her, and despite all the hardships she suffered, she still managed to smile through the pain.

She burrowed her way back into where the hollow part of my heart was and filled it withher.

Now it’s back, and it’s like nothing I felt before, maybe because the love I had for her before was a child’s love.

Even then, I believed she was my soul mate, and the moment I set eyes on her again, I knew that she was always meant to be mine.

It’s why I had no issue with her being with the others. They keep her safe when I cannot be there, and they all love her nearly as much as I do.

However, now we are all lost.

Without her here by our side, we no longer know what to do with ourselves.

There is no laughter, no small smiles when a coffee cup filled to the brim is slid across the table to her with a wink because Zander tries to limit her intake.

No excited yips from the dogs when she enters the room because now they are just as lost without her as we are.

A firm hand clapping my shoulder shakes me from my thoughts before I spiral further.

“You ok?” Brenn asks me, his appearance no better than the rest of us as he looks around the room, his nose wrinkling in distaste.

“Fine,” I clip out.

I don’t mean to be so short with him, but there’s tension building between him and Kelvin. We can all see it, but they won’t tell us what it’s about, and it’s making me antsy.

“What’s wrong?” Brenn asks me.

“What’s going on with you and Kelvin?” I ask him at the same time.

“Just being a dick as usual. What’s wrong with you?” He asks.

“I feel like I let her down. That I don’t deserve her because she still managed to get taken even after everything we did to try to prevent it.”

“Atlas, I don’t know anyone else more deserving to be with her than you. You held back from everything over the years because of misplaced guilt. It wasn’t your fault she was taken; it was Ellie,” Brenn tells me, his hand tightening on my shoulder as he says her name.

I can’t imagine the pain he’s feeling. To be betrayed by someone you let in, who you started to love.

Her betrayal has hit all of us hard, but he and Shan have been a mess ever since. Losing their friend because of someone they both loved has brought them closer, but I don’t think they’ll ever be able to move past it fully.

Guilt hits me hard as I look at one of my best friends and see how exhausted he looks.

“I’m sorry,” I say to him.

Brenn looks at me skeptically, his eyebrow raised.

“I didn’t think that you would be hurting, too. You lost Autumn and Ellie all within moments.”

“I don’t care about that bitch anymore,” he spits. “For all I care, she’s dead to me. She knew how important Autumn is to me; even if her plan had worked, this would have happened. Her arrogance about her abilities lost my sister, Atlas. To me, that’s unforgivable.”

“So there’s no chance for you both anymore?” I ask, purely out of curiosity.

Finding out their relationship had been carrying on for months behind the scenes was a shock, but we understand they didn’t want to say anything while they figured things out between him, Ellie, and Shan.

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