Page 4 of Fighting Shadows

I’m desperately looking for the emotionless part of me, but ever since she’s been around, it’s been harder and harder to find it.

My cupcake made me want to feel, even the bad emotions. Watching her fight through her demons and her grief was one of the most beautiful things I’ve had the blessing to experience.

She fought.

She clawed her way out of the darkest black hole that threatened to pull her in, away from us, and even when she nearly gave in, she still came back to me… us.

She has to fight this, and when we find her because there is no if, I’ll make Charlie wish he never set his sights on our girl.

She may not have been mine when he first touched her, but my soul knew.

Our love was written in the universe, a bunch of atoms destined to be pulled together once again.

It was inevitable.

Swinging my leg over my bike, I opt not to use my helmet. I desperately need to clear my head, to feel something other than this horrible emptiness that now sits in my chest.

I kick the stand up and rev the engine, the rumble between my legs stirring a feeling of being free inside of me.

When my Cupcake comes home, I’ll bring her out on my bike and let her feel free like a bird. Too many people have caged her in her life.

Pulling up to Zander’s loft, I input Autumn’s birthday in for the code and drove in.

My phone vibrates in my pocket, but I ignore it, wanting to get the stuff for Zander and go.

It vibrates again, drawing my attention away from what I came to do.

Sighing, I pulled it from my pocket and saw that my mom was calling.

“Hey, Mom,” I sigh.

I can hear how empty my voice sounds. It sounds as hollow as I feel.

“Any news?” she asks me, her voice filled with hope.

“Nothing yet. Tobias is out searching for her, and you know he’s thorough.”

“Have they found her?” Chase’s voice sounds in the background, his little voice so happy at the prospect of her being found.

“No, baby. Autumn’s still missing.”

Chase lets out a horrible wail. His voice choked as he asked Mom what’s happened to her.

“How did he find out?” I ask her, hating the pain her disappearance is causing everyone.

“He was supposed to be sleeping, but he overheard me talking to Atlas’s ma on the phone. He was inconsolable and had been asking for updates nearly every five minutes since,” she says, her voice clogged with emotion.

My heart breaks for the kid; he loves Autumn almost as much as we do, but I can say nothing to make this better for him.

She’s gone, and we don’t know when she’ll be home because we don’t know if we’ll even find her, but you can’t tell that to a small kid.

“Put him on the phone, Mom,” I tell her, bracing myself to break his heart.

“Dom,” he sniffles, his voice so small and heartbroken.

“I know, kid, but listen. I’m going to tell you a secret, and you can’t tell anyone else, okay?” I whisper.

“I promise,” he whispers back.

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