Page 50 of Fighting Shadows

“I can try, but it’s short on the sides. Is that OK? I know you don’t like your hair being cut.” Chase twists his fingers around the hem of his T-shirt, nibbling on his lip and dropping his head. “Chase?”

“Can I tell you a secret?” he whispers, turning around to face me. His big brown eyes stare up at me as I nod my head in agreement, “I’m good at keeping secrets,” I tell him with a smile.

“I know; the girl in my dream told me so.”

“Did she now?”

“Mmhmm, and that you’ll be my Ma one day, too,” he says, shocking me.

“Buddy…” I trail off because I don’t want to have this conversation with him again. I hate how much it broke him last time, but I know I’m not ready to take on another child, especially with Charlie still out there, waiting for the perfect opportunity.

“I know you aren’t ready for me. It’s like waiting for a real baby, and it takes time for a Ma and Dad, but the girl in my dream told me that you will be ready for me one day. I can wait. Don’t worry. I’m real good at waiting, I promise.”

Putting down the scissors, I pull him into my arms, resting my cheek against the soft mess that is his hair, and hold him there for a moment. His tiny arms go around me as much as possible, and he squeezes tightly.

I pull back, smiling softly at him, and kiss his forehead, “I’m not ready to be a Ma again just yet, but you have Kathleen. I’m not going to make any promises because I don’t want to hurt you, but I’ll come to visit more often, ok?”

“Okay!” he chirps, already seeming happier, “Can I tell you my secret now?”

“Of course, buddy.”

“I’m not scared of getting my haircut. It’s not scary to me, but my mom used to get mean when she took things. She would chase me with sharp things, and it was really scary; she didn’t like me,” he hiccups, a sob lodged in his throat.

“Oh baby,” I cry, pulling him into my arms again and letting him cry it out.

If his piece-of-shit mom weren’t already dead, I’d be ordering Dominic to find her and kill her. Better yet, bring her back to his little basement and let me do it.

I don’t love violence, swearing to never become like Jane, but I'm so sick of people doing horrible things and getting away with it.

Holding Chase to me, I know that I would protect him the same way I protected Chlo.

Finally, he pulls back his nose snotty as he stares up at me with tear-filled eyes.

“That’s gross,” he declares, his little red nose wrinkled at the stains on my t-shirt.

“Nah, you’re fine. You feel better?” I ask him, running my hand over his hair and pushing it out of his eyes.

He nods slowly, “You wouldn’t hurt me like that, would you? If you were to be my Ma, you wouldn’t scare me if I made you mad?”

“Never.” I declare vehemently.

“You wouldn’t stop me from getting food if I was hungry? Kathleen lets me snack when I want to; I don’t want to be hungry again; it hurts.”

I can’t stop the tears that spill from my eyes, and I hug him to me, promising him I would never do anything like that to him, “Does Kathleen know about what your mom did?”

He shakes his head, “I’m scared she’ll send me away.”

“She would never. You’re too adorable to send away.”

“Does this mean you’ll keep me?”

“How could I say no to this little face,” I say, forcing cheer into my voice, squishing his cheeks between my hands, “But it won’t be for a while, ok? We have to deal with a lot of things first and get a little bit older so we can look after you properly.”

Chase nods, then pivots around to face the mirror. A bright smile lights up his face, and he stares at me in the glass's reflection.

“Are you ready, buddy?” I ask, the scissors now in my hands.

He takes a deep breath, then nods, sitting straighter, and I can’t help but feel proud of him for trusting me to do this with him.

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