Page 55 of Fighting Shadows

Brenn brought me Bun with your old blanket from Dad’s house, knowing I would be lost without them. I wish you had gotten to experience the sort of love the guys have to give.

I know they would have spoiled you.

It’s weird being back, the guys hovering over me, even when I’m just trying to relax on the sofa with a film. To me, I never left. Nothing has changed in my head apart from the nightmares that now plague my sleep, but to them, everything did.

They lost me, and for fourteen days, they couldn’t find me, their minds fucking with them, making them imagine the horrible things I could have been going through at the hands of Charlie.

I guess, in a way, they weren’t wrong, and now Noah has confirmed what they feared the most.

I’m just glad it didn’t go further than what it did.

I still need to talk to Noah and tell him about who you are and what you are to him, but every time I try, my throat closes.

I don’t want him to hate me; the idea of it is too hurtful to bear.

I don’t know when he became important to me; maybe it’s because of the nightmares I’m having that turn less horrible when he appears in them.

He defends me, fights off Charlie when he dares to get too close, and saves me every time I fear Charlie’s hands will touch me.

I think knowing that he was there has manifested him into my dreams as my protector, especially knowing what he did to get me out of there.

He’s around more now, his eyes always lingering on me, which makes me feel guilty because I have to be watching him just as much to notice, right?

I have therapy today, and I’m hoping my therapist helps me try to process what’s happening in my head. I don’t want to go back to the program. The idea of being away from everyone again is nearly enough to make me spiral into a panic all over again.

I miss you, Chlo.

Sometimes, I wonder if joining you again would be so much more straightforward than dealing with these overwhelming feelings, but I have the guys and Chase. My god, Chase would be devastated, and he’s lost enough.

He’s good at waiting, did you know that?

Are you the one who told him I would be his Ma?

Sometimes, I wish you’d come to me in my dreams, just so I could speak to you again, but then I know I’d never want to leave.

I’d spend my days sleeping, escaping to a world where I could be with you again, and I know I can’t do that.

I love you, Chlo,

so much.

Love

Mama

X

Chapter 29

Noah

‘Your Eyes Tell Stories – Bo Staloch’

“I’m going to see Autumn!” I shout to my brother, already heading for the front door before he can stop me.

It’s been three days since I last saw Strange Girl, and I’m restless. Is she okay? Has Charlie made contact? Has he tried to retake her, and they haven’t told me?

They have no obligation to; they don’t have to tell me anything, but Ineedto know that she’s ok. It’s almost a compulsion now, the need to check up on her to make sure she’s still breathing.

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