Page 59 of Fighting Shadows

He sits there, his hand gripping the grass beside him like a lifeline, as he listens to me talk about her. He laughs and cries with me.

When I’m done, I don’t expect it, but he hauls me into his arms and hugs me tightly. When he finally lets go, he smiles at me sheepishly.

“I’m sorry, I should never have touched you without asking first, but I’ve wanted to wrap my arms around you like that since the cabin, and I watched on from that fucking floor in the room of horrors while not being able to do anything. And now, listening to what you had to go through, how you kept her safe and alive even when you could have so easily given up, I just got so emotional,” he rushes out, his eyes wide with panic.

“Noah, it’s fine. I expected it; it seems to be the go-to response when I’m out here. I’m just happy that I finally got to tell you about her; you deserve to know.”

“Thank you, Autumn, seriously. It means so much, and I’m in awe of how strong you are. You did so much for her, and I wish I got to meet her, but I’m glad that she had you,” he says, his hand resting on top of mine.

“I miss her every single day, and I don’t think the pain of that will ever go away. She asked to call me mommy the night she died, and I think it’s always haunted me in some way that I never got to show her what it was like to have me as her mommy,” I tell him.

I make no move to remove his hand from the top of mine. The warmth emanating from him comforts me as we both talk about her in front of where she’s resting.

“She did, though. I know you don’t think she did, but she would never have asked to call you that if she didn’t already feel like you were her mom. You did the best you could with what you had, Strange Girl. I never would have been able to have done what you did,” he says, the nickname he’s giving me, bringing a smile to my face.

“Thank you, Noah. It means so much to hear you say that, but I think it’s going to take me a while longer to believe those words myself.”

“I get it. It’s easy to blame yourself for something that you had no control over, especially when so much responsibility was placed on your shoulders,” Noah says; he smiles at me, and I smile back, “Can I visit here? Would that be ok?”

“Of course, you don’t even have to ask. I’ll ask Dad to put you on the approved visitor list. Y’know, to stop them from shooting you.”

“We wouldn’t want that, would we?”

“No. No, we wouldn’t,” I laugh.

The silence stretched between us as we sat under the tree, Dominic joining us once he was sure we were done talking.

“So, Strange Girl?” Dominic questions, “I mean, the nickname has nothing on Cupcake, but I guess it’s cute.”

“Dominic,” I hiss, “Stop it, leave him alone.”

“No, it’s fine. I was waiting for one of your boyfriends to pull me up on it,” Noah says, a blush spreading across his cheeks, “I didn’t have a name for you when I got there, and I was terrified that if I asked that Charlie would be sent over the edge. He was erratic and had already disappeared for twenty-four hours once; I didn’t want to chance it again when you needed care so badly, so I called you Strange Girl in my head, and that’s what I’ve known you as since.”

“Thank you. I don’t think I said it before but thank you for helping me. You didn’t have to, but you did, and you sacrificed your relationship with Charlie doing so,” I say, wanting him to know what it means to me.

“I don’t think there’s much he wouldn’t do for you, Cupcake,” Dominic mutters in my ear, his breath fanning across my exposed shoulder.

I try not to let Dominic's words affect me, guilt hitting me as I think about my other guys, and I feel like I’m betraying them with how happy Dominic’s words make me.

Noah has been in my dreams since I escaped, protecting me at every turn. His constant presence in the real world makes that safe feeling return.

I like having him around a lot, and I know I shouldn’t.

Clearing my throat, I apologize and make my excuses to leave, blaming it on the fact that I still need to talk to my dad before rushing towards the house. My cheeks flaming from embarrassment.

Chapter 31

Autumn

‘River – Myles Smith’

Taking a deep breath, I brace myself before knocking on his office door.

“Come in!” his gruff voice shouts from the other side.

“Hi, Dad,” I say, entering the room and moving over to my favorite seat in the office by the window. It’s where I sat as a little girl sometimes while he worked, just wanting to be near him. It still smells the same, the slightest hint of whiskey in the air with the smell of leather and spice from Dad’s cologne. It’s comforting, like wrapping me in a warm hug.

Dad smiles knowingly at me, but his eyes are sad. He grabs a blanket from under his desk, comes over, and wraps it around me.

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