Page 61 of Fighting Shadows

I smile and wave to my guys, who are still lurking around the kitchen, bothering Mrs. McKay, who waves me away when I offer to send them home, knowing I’m still going to be here for a few hours.

Unsurprisingly, they all refuse to leave, including Noah, who has somehow managed to integrate himself into the group seamlessly, so I leave them to it and knock on Brenn's door before letting myself in.

He's already looking better. His greasy hair is now wet and clean-looking. The bags under his eyes are heavy, and I wonder if he’s even been sleeping.

I sit on the floor, my back resting against the door in case he decides to try to escape this conversation. I know how hard it can be to open up when your body locks up tight, and the urge to flee practically vibrates through your body.

“So, do you want to tell me why you’ve been hiding away in your room?” I ask, sounding like an overbearing mother, and maybe that’s what he needs right now.

Neither of us ever had that, his mom was an abusive bitch before Dad fought for custody after ignoring the signs for years, but he got him out of there and was the best dad to him, so I can’t fault him for it.

His eyes shutter, pain streaking across his features, “I miss her,” he whispers.

“Ellie?” I ask, wanting to make sure he’s talking about her. He nods his head ever so slightly, like he doesn’t want to admit it. “You know that’s okay, right? I miss her too.”

“Do you? Even after everything?” he asks, and I see a tiny bit of hope in his eyes.

“Of course. I considered her my best friend, and like I told Shan, I understand why she did what she did, but I can’t forgive it, not yet, at least. Had she spoken to us, or even me, about it, we could have come up with a plan. She had so many opportunities to tell us and never did, and now I’ve lost two weeks of my life, and everyone has been affected by it,” I say, hating how his shoulders slumped.

Pushing myself up from the floor, I move over to him, needing to comfort my brother after everything he’s done for me.

I lean my head against his shoulder and take a deep breath, “She hurt a lot of people, Brenn. Zander has panic attacks now. I went to sit in his garden the other day for some fresh air, just needing a moment to myself with the dogs, and he freaked out. He nearly fell to his knees when he found me from sheer relief. Dominic’s not the same; he’s forcing his happiness for me. I see the shadows that sit in his eyes now, and it breaks my heart. Sebastian is angry, the slightest thing tipping him over the edge. Unfortunately, that seems to be Noah right now,” I say, “Tobias is broken; I see how he’s not sleeping. He watches me more than he ever did, and if I try to move away, he's overthinking my actions even when it’s just because I feel like I can’t breathe and Atlas is fucked. He’s acting normal, but I see the shakes in his hands and how he’s practicing with his gun every single day. They don’t think I see it, but I do. She fractured everything, Brenn, and while I miss her and while I understand her motives and actions, I hate her. I hate her for hurting the people I love.”

Brenn wraps me in his arms, holding me there as we both take comfort that someone we both loved hurt us both.

“I hate her too, but I can’t stop loving her either.”

I nod because I get it; I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving her, either.

“Do you hate me for keeping it from you?” he asks me, my brother’s voice clogged with emotion, “I can’t lose you too.”

“I don’t hate you, Brenn. I don’t even blame you, and you are never going to lose me. You’ve been in my corner since day one, and I love you.”

“I love you too, Little Bear.”

Standing, I smooth down the fabric of my dress and hold my hand out for Brenn, “Come on, Dad’s convinced Mrs. McKay to make me cookies,” I say with a grin.

“Are you and Dad talking now?”

I grimace, “I wouldn’t say we are talking, but I’m giving him a chance to fix it. I want my dad, y’know.”

“I get it. I think it’s going to take a bit for me to get there with him. I can’t get past that he hurt you,” Brenn says, following me from the room down to the kitchen.

“I asked him to show up, to show me that he cares. So we’ll see,” I mutter just as everyone comes into view.

Brenn snorts next to me as we watch on in horror as Dominic tackles Noah in a man hug. To our surprise, though, he lets it happen and even smiles at it.

“Did they just become best friends?” Atlas mutters.

“We were always best friends, dick bag!” Dominic says indignantly.

“Yeah, we were always besties!” Noah parrots.

We spend the next few hours at Dad’s, Mrs. McKay fussing over us with cookies and hot chocolate, and even though I love Zander's cooking, I miss hers.

“Come back soon, Sugar, and I’ll make your favorite food,” she says, hugging me goodbye.

Dad stands off to the side awkwardly, as if he’s not quite sure what to do with himself, so I move towards him and hug him tightly. His arms wrap around me tightly, stealing the air from my lungs before he steps back with a sad smile, “I love you, Little Monster.”

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