Page 70 of Fighting Shadows

He flicks his eyes at me, filled with sadness, and then casts them down to look at his feet like he’s ashamed.

I shake my head and realize he can’t see me. “No, Noah, you don’t trigger me. It’s the complete opposite, in fact.”

His head snaps up, and his blue eyes, so similar to Chlo’s, shine. “Really? How so?”

“My head is trying to put things together from the missing two weeks, and knowing that you were there, it’s trying to fill in the blanks, and it puts you there as my protector,” I tell him, heat rising in my cheeks as I do.

I want to feel embarrassed as if it’s weird that I’ve been dreaming about him when I have five boyfriends who should be there instead of him.

“I like that, like a knight in shining armor.” He smirks.

“Oh shut up,” I laugh, “I could have totally saved myself.”

“I couldn’t even save myself. Those shackles were solid,” he says with a laugh, rubbing at his wrists. A nervous tick I’ve picked up, too, the skin still red and angry from the skin being rubbed away.

“I’ll take your word for it, Knight,” I tease, “thank you for getting me home. I would have rather died from the infection that was tearing apart my body than be stuck with him ever again…” I clench my fists, resisting the urge to scrape my nails across my wrists, “I had monsters, Noah, but he was my first. He groomed me, threatened Chlo, and used her as a way to keep me compliant. He was the monster in my bed, and I had no one to save me.”

“I’m sorry, Strange Girl. I want him dead for everything he’s done to you,” he grits out, his fists clenched in his lap. The veins in his forearm bulge from straining so much, “I’d like to stick around, though, if that’s ok?”

I smile at him, “I think I’d like that.”

Chapter 36

To my Chlo,

Today is a bad day. Dark thoughts swirl around my brain, trying to convince me to do something I no longer want to do.

I feel like a burden, like everything I bring to this relationship is just a hassle, and the feelings I can feel growing towards Noah fill me with guilt.

The guys don’t deserve this; after all, they’ve been nothing but extraordinary with me and so supportive.

He’s also your brother; that’s just too weird, isn’t it?

Therapy has been helping, and Doctor Karskin tells me that my attachment to Noah is normal, but I’m not convinced.

I feel your loss a little more today. The others try to understand and be there, but I want to lie in bed to avoid it.

My chest still aches; it’s almost permanent at this point, but I don’t mind it.

It reminds me of your loss, and when I forget, and the ache disappears, I feel so guilty that I want it to come back, to hurt more than the last time.

Why should I get my happily ever after when you didn’t?

I love you, Chlo,

Love

Mama

X

Chapter 37

Autumn

“Knock knock,” Dad’s voice shouts as he enters Zander's house. His face lights up when he sees me, “I missed you, Little Monster.”

“Missed you too, Dad,” I say, giving him a soft smile.

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