Page 67 of Madness

Nurse white appears; her head seems to swell three times the size each time I come down here, and I swear I’ve seen her wobble a few times, too. The weight of the dome on her shoulders entirely too much.

“Time for your medication!” she says cheerily, holding the small white cup of pills in her hand.

I take them, holding them for a moment, and see a new one has been added to the ten I’m already forced to take.

“What’s the new one?” I ask.

“Does it matter? You want to be sane, don’t you?” she quirks an eyebrow at me, and I nod along because I do, I really, really, really do.

She holds out a manicured finger, tipping the cup up to my lips, “They’ll help.” She says, but I know better.

I’ve been here for weeks now… or has it been months? But they’ve never managed to rid me of the voices, only amplify them louder.

Maybe I’m too mad to be helped?

Too bonkers?

It doesn’t matter anyway, so I take the pills, swallowing them down with the bitter taste of resignation, and the world around me blurs for a moment, tipping me off the edge of the chair I’m sitting on.

“Poor Alice. Forever falling down the rabbit hole…”The masculine voice fades for a moment, and I sigh in relief, hoping the new pill has helped, but he reappears,“You have a purpose, Al. A legacy. Remember that.”It says with an intensity that sends shivers down my spine.

I shake my head, trying to clear the lingering fog from my mind, and push myself back to my feet when no one makes a move to help me.

The sterile smell of antiseptic fills the air, mingling with the faint scent of something metallic… blood?

“Interesting,” Nurse White mutters, scribbling something hastily down in a brown file that is littered with brown and red stains.

Her eyes glance up briefly, scanning me as if I’m a specimen under a microscope before returning to her notes.

“Back to your room now, Alice. Try not to get too lost.” She waves me away with her hand, and I try not to run from the room, hating how different I feel every time I leave.

As I step out, the weight of her words clings to me like the shadows that grab at me in the hall. “Try not to get too lost,” She had said, but it was already too late.

Every visit down there chips away at me, giving the voices a way to be somehow louder – a way to grow until I feel like a stranger in my skin.

The hallway stretches and turns, and I have to force myself to walk, each step feeling like a chore, and the door to my room seems as if it’s miles away.

“Red.”

“What?”

“I do quite like you, Alice. Go to Red. You are not safe enough to be alone right now. I will keep Queenie quiet.”

“Why do you have no name?”

“I have a name, but you won’t like it. Now go to Red. You have some solace for now,”it says sternly, and for the first time, I listen to the voice, needing to be near someone who understands Wonderland.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Her door looms before me, and my knuckles hover just inches away from the wood, trembling slightly.

The hallway behind me seems to stretch, and the shadows blink at me, murmuring hurtful words.

What if she’s busy and doesn’t want company?

What if I’m bothering her?

She quietens the voices in my head, the insanity that plagues me daily, and I need her right now.

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