Page 68 of Madness

The sounds from the ward seem to echo around me, the murmur of one-sided conversationsbehind the closed doors and the clink of metal occasionally.

My heart pounds in my chest as I war with myself.

“Just knock already,” a voice comes from behind me, causing me to jump, “Yi have been there fir ages, and she’s probably sat in there waiting on yi.”

“She wouldn’t know I was coming,” I say to Harry, turning to face him.

He’s leaning casually against the wall, his eyes glinting with humour, “Yi wid be surprised aboot wit she knows. Just knock yi dafty.” He mutters before turning to leave.

“Do you want to come in with me?” I ask him, hoping that he will.

Being alone with Red makes me nervous, and I feel weird coming to her room without any real reason.

“Naw, am good. Ju–” he swallows, “Just let me know if she’s alright, aye? Ave been worried since yesterday.”

“Why not just ask her yourself?”

Harry shakes his head, his wild red hair seeming to move unnaturally with him, “I don’t think I can.” Is all he says before he slips into his room, closing the door softly behind him.

Steeling myself, I timidly knock on her door, needing to be stronger…“Better.”

“Shh.”

“Come in,” Red calls from inside. I look back to Harry’s room, hoping he’ll come out and join me in Red’s room, but when his door stays firmly shut, I take a deep breath and open her door.

“Al!” Red smiles brightly at me, her blue eyes shining, “Are you ok?”

“I’m fine… I just really needed to. Actually, I don’t know what I need; I just feel weird,” I tell her.

My head spins slightly, and I waver against the door that swings as I do.

Red’s smile fades, a look of concern contorting her face as she steps forward and gently takes my arm, guiding me into her room. “Sit down,” she says softly, leading me to her bed, and I sink into it, feeling the weight of everything that’s been weighing on me disappear for a moment.

The room is comforting – the first real comfort I have felt in years and the scent ofheroverwhelms me in the best ways.

“What happened?” Red urges, sitting next to me and leaning closer to me. Her presence is grounding in a way, and the voices quiet, and the delusions that seem to lurk in the corners of my vision vanish.

“Curious,” I mutter to myself, “So curious.”

“Have you been to see Nurse White?” she asks me, and all I can manage to do is nod in response.

“It’s okay, Al, I get it. Why don’t you lie down and have a nap? I’ll wake you up in an hour, and hopefully, whatever she’s giving to you can wear off.”

“Thank you,” I manage to say as sleep pulls me under. I don’t even feel myself lying down on her bed or when I pull her closer to me instead of letting her stand up.

Soft.

Warm.

Safe.

The room is quiet except for the steady rhythm of Red’s breathing beside me.

There are no voices or shadows. No shouting, as it makes my mind feel like it’s tearing itself apart from the inside out.

“Do you ever feel lost?” I whisper to myself, my voice barely a whisper. I somehow feel lost without the voices to keep me company.

Red stirs slightly but remains silent. “Sometimes, I wonder how Wonderland became so twisted. Why does White play the game she does, and why everything feels so distorted all the time apart from when I’m with you.”

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