Page 17 of The Wishing Game

Before, I'd never felt any of those things. I saw myself as cursed because everyone saw me as such. But he... He made me realize my worth.

Tears swim in my eyes, trickling down my cheeks as I move slowly, aimlessly.

A jolt in my left arm startles me and makes me lose my balance. I take a step backward, my eyes alert as I scan my surroundings. When I don't see anyone around, I frown. I could have sworn something bumped into me. My arm reels from the impact, the sensation growing in intensity as it spreads down my body. There's a silent hum just underneath my skin, almost as if portions of it caught on fire.

I breathe in and out, assuming it's just the start of a panic attack—Nikki always had those. But the pricking sensation persists—so much so that it makes me sway lightly on my feet, my vision swimming. Backing into a corner until my back hits a wall, I crouch down, dropping my forehead to my knees and rocking back and forth.

FOUR

Idon't know how long I remain like that, barely in control of myself. I only know that once awareness starts to seep in, my eyes zone in on the empty street—more confirmation that there's no one around.

Once I'm able to get myself out of that dangerous zone, I shake my head in exasperation. The confrontation with Matthew must have shaken me more than I realized. After all, I've learned from Nikki that the mind works in mysterious ways, especially when it comes to traumatic episodes. And I'm barely starting to experience the full-blown effects of his death.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I wobble to my feet and go to the first convenience store I find to grab some ibuprofen for the pain. That should do the trick until I can get the rest of the medicine the doctor provided. But since I can't take the pills on an empty stomach, I resolve to go to the pizza place next door that seems to have some affordable items on the menu. Considering my current circumstances, I really need to budget properly.

If only things weren't so expensive in New York...

Grumbling to myself, I quickly scan the menu, choosing a basic pepperoni small pizza and asking for a glass of tap water—at least that's free.

I eat slowly to avoid indigestion. But as I sit in my secluded corner in the restaurant, I can't help but feel eyes on me. The hair on my arms stands to attention, goose bumps spreading all over my skin. Uneasiness settles deep in the pit of my stomach. Furtively, I glance back a couple of times, but there's no one of consequence. Everyone is minding their own business, eating.

"I'm just being paranoid," I whisper to myself, grabbing another bite.

Living with Nikki's paranoia for so long must have rubbed off on me. But is itreallyparanoia when he ended up killed by the very people he was afraid of?

I take a deep breath as I try to keep my calm. But how can I when I think about all the injustices my Nikki suffered? We might have been happy together, in our little world, but that happiness was always overshadowed by the perpetual danger his family posed to us.

The more I think about it, the more I realize Nikki likely never had a moment of peace in his life. Perhaps when he was a child and his parents were still alive, but after their deaths, he was thrust from one nightmare to another—tortured both physically and psychologically.

I scan my surroundings again for fear I may be the next on the Archibalds' list. Maybe I should have tried to understand Nikki better. Maybe if he hadn't noticed my longing for the outside world, we wouldn't have left the safety of our home, and he'd still be alive.

Maybe...

I sigh audibly as I stare at the leftover crusts.

If he were here, he'd eat those since they were his favorite part of the pizza—we'd always complemented each other in that regard.

But now...

I grab the first one, biting into it and forcing myself to chew. I do the same to the next until the plate is empty.

He's not here anymore, and I need to get used to it—for now. I can't afford to go through those five stages of grief I'd read about online. I only needone—vengeance. But to do that, I know I can't let myself succumb to my sadness. I just have to use it to fuel my thirst for revenge.

I nurse my tap water until it gets dark out.

Releasing a deep sigh, I venture out into the night, deciding to take a small walk before going to the apartment.

I don't trust the police who investigated Nikki's death any more than I trust the Archibalds, and that means I need to ensure the USB with the evidence doesn't fall into the wrong hands. It's the only way I can rehabilitate Nikki's name.

Lost in my thoughts, my feet take me to the Brooklyn Bridge, and I tentatively go to the pedestrian side, admiring the view of the Hudson River.

I can still remember the first time I'd seen it and how awestruck I'd been by the size and magnificence of New York City. After all, wasn't this what I'd always dreamed of? The type of freedom that you could find only in movies because real life would never be that fair. I'd first learned about it from Nikki, and he'd described the opulence and sheer size of the buildings in a way that shaped my dreams of the outside world. Yet I fear it's those dreams that have steered us on this path—that wretched desire of mine to experience...more.

I bring my fist to my chest, banging it against my heart in admonishment.

I'd dared to want too much, and now this is my reward.

The city stretches out before me, the buildings taller than ever, with their blinding lights and the raucous car noises.

---