Page 103 of The Menagerie

Really, the way itactuallyhappened tells Rowan a lot about the kind of person Mal is and about what’s going on in his mind. Because when he’s at his most vulnerable, when he’s seeking comfort and reassurance and familiarity, he seeks out a kiss, whether or not he had done so knowingly.

And God, Rowan wanted itso fucking badly. Already, after only a few weeks. After only five sessions together, not counting the gangbang. But he’d never forgive himself if he let it continue, and Mal might not have either when he regained his senses.

I’ll knock you out if you try to kiss me.That’s what Mal said at the gangbang a month and a half ago. Rowan could practicallyfeelthe hostility in his tone at the time.

He can’t help but wonder if he was like this with his last Dom too, or if it’s only with Rowan. He thinks back to a few weeks ago—how Mal implied that Rowan had been the first Dom he’d let call him Mal rather than Malcolm.

And the way he’d reacted after the kiss… completely shutting down, even though he’d talked about it with Rowan.

Well. It makes Rowan’s heart ache, is all.

The vulnerability that Mal had shown earlier that night during their scene had been all but completely replaced with stoicism by the time they’d discussed the kiss. They’d been doingso welltoo. Their forward progress may have been limited to baby steps with the occasional baby leap, but it was still progress. Now it feels like they’ve gone backward. And for the first time in a long time, Rowan doesn’t see a clear path forward.

It’s nearing noontime, and Rowan hasn’t heard anything from Mal, so he caves and texts him.

[RC]Hey, you feeling okay?

By the time Rowan’s getting ready for bed later that night, Mal still hasn’t texted him back.

Chapter 7: Tongue Tied

IT ISN’Tuntil late on Monday when Rowan is already in bed that Mal finally texts him back.

[MS]sorry had some shit going on

[MS]i’m good

[MS]thanks for checking

Rowan wants to shout at him. Fucking deck him, actually. Because what thefuck? Mal may be the more experienced of the two of them, but what thehellgives him the right to stress the fuck out of Rowan? Rowan’s been fuckingpacingthe past two days, waiting to hear back from him. Jesus, he’s lucky he hasn’t had an episode over this.

He’s not some goddamn side piece, here.

[RC]What the fuck Mal?

[RC]You couldn’t have texted that 2 days ago??

[MS]i said sorry man. had shit to deal with

Rowan wants to punch a wall. He wants to tell Mal that when he stops hearing from people, it’s usually because they’re on a bender or in jail or dead. He wants to flat-out say he’sworriedandpissedand fuckinghungryfor a real kiss after the tantalizing taste he’d gotten.

But as his string of fleeting exes would attest to, he’s never been great at communicating emotions.

[RC]I get if you’re busy or whatever but it takes 2 fucking seconds to send a text

[RC]I thought you dropped or something

[MS]it takes more than a stupid fuckin mistake like that to make me drop

Hearing Mal call the kiss a mistake again, even if itistechnically true, feels like a virtual slap in the face.

[RC]You looked like you were in a fucking trance when we left Mal

[RC]What was I supposed to think??

[MS]you don’t think fuckin anything. i told you i was fine

[MS]we’re not boyfriend and girlfriend here

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