Page 21 of Mob Princess

I heard Giovanni laughing in the hallway, and my vision dripped with red.

“Did you hear that? He’s outside, and he can hear every single word we throw around at one another. This is exactly what he wants. Don’t you see that, Israel? He wants us fighting. He wants us at odds. He’s here to make sure he proves to you that your father is right and not your gut.”

He pointed his finger in my face. “You have no idea what my gut is telling me right now. And you better thank your stars that I’ve got a more rational brain than that nasty uncle of yours.”

It hit me then and I fell against the bathroom counter in shock. “You really think I’m a monster, don’t you?”

His face softened. “I don’t think you’re a—”

I turned my eyes away from him, disgusted with his presence. “You really think, after being nearly killed almost three times now by that man, that I’d actually side with the person that killed my family over you.”

“It’s not that.”

My eyes began to water. “Then, tell me what it is, Israel. Because I can’t live my life like this anymore. I can’t live my life trying to woo you and trying to show you how much I care for you when all you’re looking for is—”

I couldn't continue on with the conversation. It hurt too much. It felt like my heart was exploding and imploding all at the same time. I wanted to sink into a puddle on the floor and leak my way into the sewer system. Because surely, the pipes below us were cleaner than the shit hanging around in this place. It felt like I could hear Giovanni breathing. Hear him wheezing down our necks like some bottom-dwelling mouth-breather. Then, a thought hit me. A thought so grotesque and so weak and so startling that I shocked even myself.

Maybe I’d have better chances on the streets.

I felt Israel’s heat against my back. “Look at me, Bonnie.”

I whispered to myself. “I can’t believe this.”

I heard the frown against his lips. “I don’t know what to believe right now. Surely, you can understand that.”

I turned around to face him. “I’m not coming down for dinner.”

He snickered. “Don’t be stupid. I know you’re hungry.”

“I’m really not. Not now, anyway. Enjoy the time with your brother.”

“Bonnie—”

I crossed my arms over my chest, feeling the need to place more barriers between us. I dug my fingertips into my arms, trying to fight off the tears of anger and disappointment. I hated this. I didn’t want any part of the insanity taking place with every passing day. All I wanted was for someone to see me for what I was—who I was, deep down inside. But, I had no control over the situation. I was being judged for actions I didn’t feel I had a right to question, and now everything I did reflected back to that one moment.

The one moment where I needed strength instead of weakness.

Never again, though. Never again would I allow myself to be put in a position of ultimate weakness.

I sniffled, wiping at the tears in my eyes. “Please, just go. I want to be alone. At least give me that.”

“Bonnie…”

“Just go!”

I turned back around as my body began shivering. I didn’t want to cry in front of him. Not after all this. It killed me enough to have to turn my back so I could wipe away my tears, and the last thing I needed was to collapse in his arms and cry. He didn’t deserve that kind of attention. He didn’t deserve the honor of pulling me through an emotional crisis. And if he didn’t see the worth and the goodness I brought into his life, then maybe we really weren’t meant to be.

I heard Israel sigh. “I’ll bring you up a plate later.”

It probably needs to happen anyway. “I can leave if that’s what you really want.”

He fell silent. “You know I don’t want that.”

I shrugged. “Could’ve fooled me.”

“And either way, it’s not safe for you to leave. Not right now.”

Is it really safer here, though? “I don’t care, because if this is how it’s going to be while I’m living with you, I’d rather take my chances on the street.”

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