Page 35 of Pain and Pleasure

"Do not cry for me, baby. I'm telling you this because this was a lifetime ago. I was a different man then. A man who had barely seen the horrors that this world has to offer. I need you to see why it's hard for me to strive for the things that you want." His hand trails from my jaw to my heart. "For the things that you deserve." His fingers stroke the skin beneath my breast, my heart thumping loudly for him.

"You deserve the moon and the stars, Esmeralda. Heaven and all of earth, but I can only give you hell," he mutters, staring at his hand that now covers my heart.

I lift my hand to place it over his and he locks eyes with me.

"You're so quick to assume that I haven't been to hell before. That I haven't been damned my whole life. That maybe you and I will have room for me, if we let go of the ghosts that still haunt us." I wipe my tears and burrow my cheek into his hand.

He stares at me, a wondrous and dark gaze in his eyes. He whispers before leaning in to kiss me.

"Sweet, brave Emmie," he says against my lips before claiming them.

He kisses me languidly and for a while. I melt in his mouth and his body as he holds me in his arms.

"I love you, Dante. No matter what. No matter how much you push me or hide from me, I can't help but love you," I whisper against his lips.

He licks around my mouth before giving me one last peck, tucking my face into his neck as we lay in the dark together. His breathing regulates and becomes even, so I know he's on the cusp of sleep.

My lips find his neck and I kiss him softly before whispering into his skin.

"You protect me and I protect you," I say before I close my eyes, feeling his arms circle around me just a little bit tighter as I drift to sleep.

16

Esmeralda

It's beena week since the night at the club and my schooling is slowly becoming the death of me.

I spend most of my days constantly tweaking and perfecting my restaurant plan while simultaneously completing math tests. I'm only a couple weeks into my last semester of college and I already want it to be over with.

My mom visits me during the day, bringing me coffee and lunch and sitting to chat with me during my breaks. I must admit that our relationship has gotten much stronger with both of us being here. She's been sober for two months now and I can see glimpses of the woman that she was before she met my father. It seems Dante isn't the only one that has to exercise his demons in this castle.

Ricky and I spend some early evenings by the pool, especially lately since Dante has been gone on different business trips to California. He doesn't tell me much when it comes to the business, but then again, I don't really ask. Although I do worry each time he leaves in a fresh new suit. I worry that when he comes back the suit will be covered in blood or he might not come back at all, but this is the price you pay when you love a criminal.

It's Saturday night and Dante has been gone since Thursday evening. We don't really talk while he's gone, as his missions have been mostly in regards to my father, I'm assuming. His brother nor his business partners have been involved and I often wonder if they even know about his mission to take down Juan Carlos in the first place. At the dinner where I spoke with his brother, we lied about our relationship with one another. Though I originally suspected it had to do with me, I'm starting to believe it has to do more with Dante's vengeance for his late father. For the man that my father killed.

Javier is making dinner tonight. Dante is supposed to return any minute from what Sergio has told me. I also noticed that he doesn't really bring Sergio with him on his missions, mostly just guards, several of them to be exact. Though I spend most of my time with my mother, Ricky and Javier, I can't help but pass by Sergio every so often in the house.

He's still just as stone cold and hard with me as he has been from the beginning, but I noticed that he doesn't look as angry whenever we meet each other's gazes. I'm walking into the library now and noticed that he's putting some files away into a suitcase. I stopped and we stared at each other silently for a few moments before I decide to ask him the question that's been boggling around in my mind since the minute our tension began.

"Why do you hate me, Sergio?" I asked quietly, shifting on the balls of my feet nervously.

He closes the suitcase and clicks the latches shut, not meeting my eyes the entire time he speaks.

"I do not hate you, Emmie," he says if he continues to shuffle around and grab more files from a cabinet in the library.

I feel confused by his admission and decide to press him further.

"Don't lie to me, Sergio. I see it in your eyes every time I look at you, hear it every time you speak to me. You don't want me here and I would rather you just tell me that instead of walking around me in this tense silence…"

I trail off and his head snaps up, his eyes meeting mine. I can tell he's older than both Dante and my mother by quite a few years. He’s bald so it's hard to tell in the color of his hair but you can see it around the lines of his eyes, the age and tiredness etching his face.

"I don't hate you. I worry about your place here. I worry about the damage you'll cause to this family." He says this with conviction, like he's certain I'm the detonator that will go off and explode everything around me.

I am so tired of being viewed as a threat, or as helpless, or as a target for that matter.

"I didn't choose to be the person that I am in this world. I never wanted to be a part of this world. If you can remember so clearly, you're the one that had a helping hand at dragging me blindly into this place."

I try not to sound angry or defensive, but I am. I may be staying here now, and the future may have changed from what I once thought it was, but that doesn't excuse his behavior or role in this. Everybody else has had their chance at redemption or their chance and explanation, but not him. And I'm tired of tiptoeing around him.

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