Page 366 of The Sinner: James

“I knew something was going on when we met in New York.”

She runs her napkin over her lips, her gaze trained on me.

I’ve barely touched my dessert.

“Regardless of what you said, you didn’t seem happy. And I have the same feeling now. You have everything you could dream of, yet you don’t seem happy.”

“I know. And that’s exactly why I feel so bad about it.”

The guilt I feel is killing me.

“So, I’m right. You’re not happy.”

I look down.

“I can’t say I’m not happy. That would be a lie.”

We lock eyes for a moment.

“You miss him...” she says, a tender smile lighting up her gaze.

Slowly nodding, she takes in my puzzled expression.

“Yes, you do…” she murmurs. “When you say everybody’s gone, and no one is there for you, you’re not talking about them. You’re thinking about him. He’s traveling too much, and you have to wait for him to get home. Then when he’s home, you don’t want to come off as needy and clingy, so you make yourself busy with your stuff when you actually need him.”

“I’m with him all the time... But he’s been swamped. And I am busy too. It’s just that I’m home, and he’s out there, traveling. And even when he’s home, he always has to go somewhere or leaves unexpectedly––like this morning. I didn’t know he had to go back to Singapore. He just came back. He said he’d gotten a phone call the night before, and I believed him, but he also said he’d be here with us this week. Anyway, I shouldn’t feel bad about it. It makes no sense.”

Frustrated, I crash back in my chair, forgetting about the ice cream.

“He’s not supposed to be home all the time. This is his life. His work. I’d be mad if I needed to do some important stuff, and someone would guilt me into changing my life for them.”

Quietly, she eats her ice cream.

“How is Dahlia coping with Lex’s schedule?”

“Working with Lex has its advantages, I guess. I don’t know.”

I gesture, irritated.

“What bothers me the most is that I understand. Having different schedules is normal, especially when running a multinational corporation. You live on planes. I know that. And I’m not needy. Trust me–– I’m not. I’m busy with my books and company, but even that no longer holds my interest. I loved it in the beginning. I loved my work, the people—the concept. The firm is bigger than it was at its inception. I could be at the helm like James is, but I’m not that kind of person. That’s why I’ve hired people to do that.”

“How are your books doing?”

“If things go as planned, I have another release this fall. I’m supposed to finish the manuscript at the end of the month, and here I am complaining about my life,” I say, laughing bitterly.

She finishes eating her dessert and picks up a strawberry from the bowl.

“I don’t know what to say other than... It’s a nice problem to have,” Eve says, smiling.

Her grin makes me feel even worse.

I know what she’s saying and have no right to complain.

I have a dream life and everything I imagined. That’s why I’m so torn.

“Not only that,” she goes on. “You’re married to the man of your dreams, and you’re still in love with him after all these years. And he loves you just as much.”

I wait for her to continue.

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