Page 114 of Italy Can Bite Me

She said what now?

I stand, dumbfounded. Aunt Deb gives me an exaggerated thumbs-up, clearly enjoying the show.

“Okay.” I finally find my voice. “But what are you all doing here? Why are you in Rome?”

My mom gives Jared a nudge that’s about as subtle as Chester doing naked lunges on the beach.

And then? The entire Crawford-Wagner clan pulls out their phones and starts filming.

Jared drops to one knee.

“Oh shit.”Did I say that out loud?

Aunt Deb whispers loud enough for me to hear, “Well, this just got interesting.”

Chairs creak as the seniors lean forward in their seats. Mrs. Thomas actually pulls out opera glasses.

“Katherine Blair Crawford,” Jared starts, pulling out a ring box. “I was an idiot. A big one. Losing you was the hardest thing I’ve ever endured. But we can fix it. Let’s have a wedding in Rome! Be spontaneous! Will you marry—”

I lose track of the words. Matteo stands at the back of the room.

No. No no no no no.

He’s just… standing there… hands shoved into his pockets… eyes steady and intense. He’s zeroed in on me, but his expression is unreadable.

I’m frozen. I have no contingency plan for this.

“Oh, how romantic!” my mother squeals. “You’ve made her speechless. Of course she wants to. Jared, stand up, put the ring on her finger!”

Both mothers start clapping and cheering like they’ve just successfully merged two Fortune 500 companies. The room erupts in applause; the sound is a wall of static.

My eyes find Matteo’s across the room. For a moment, agony flashes across his face, before he masks it with a bright smile. He claps loudly, shouting “Congratulazioni!” as though this isn’t breaking both our hearts.

As ifmi amoremeant nothing at all.

Aunt Deb clears her throat, the devil’s glint back in her eye. I know that look. It’s her “I’m about to cause a scene and thoroughly enjoy myself doing it” look. “Jared, sweetheart,” she says, her voice saccharine sweet, “you simplymustmeet Matteo. The tour guide who played such a pivotal role in getting our Katie back on the path to true love.”

My head jerks toward her so fast I’m surprised my neck doesn’t snap. I give her my bestwhat the actual fuck are you doing?glare, but Deb just winks back.Winks.“No, that’s really not—”

“Matteo! Be a dear and come meet Katie’s fiancé!” Aunt Deb blurts out.

Oh God. Every step Matteo takes toward us feels like watching a slow-motion train wreck, and I’m caught in a surreal, out-of-body experience watching it unfold.

His face is carefully blank, but there’s tension in his jaw that makes me want to either kiss it away or run screaming from the room. Neither seems appropriate with my entire family recording this disaster on their phones.

Deb, on the other hand, is in her element. She gestures grandly between them. “Matteo Monti, meet Jared Wagner. The man who dumped our Katie and broke her heart into a thousand tiny little pieces. And Jared, this is Matteo. The man who worked tirelessly to help put her back together and win you over again.”

Kill me now. Just… please, universe, let me spontaneously combust into a pile of ash right here.

Jared extends a hand, looking sheepish but trying to be polite. “Uh, nice to meet you,” he says, though his tone suggests he’s not entirely sure if Matteo is friend or foe.

In a panic, I blurt, “My mom told Jared all about our fake-dating scheme.”

Matteo’s gaze is so intense it could set fire to an iceberg. “So glad it worked out. I know Katie had only one goal when she came to Italy, to win you back.”

The emphasis he puts on “one goal” feels like being stabbed with Lorenzo’s pastry fork. Repeatedly. In the heart.

“Well, yes, that was my plan but—”

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