Page 19 of Hawaii Can Suck It

His smile falters, and he shakes his head. “Nah. Memorizing lines isn’t my thing. I prefer being authentic—in the moment.”

There’s a heaviness to his voice now, a distance creeping into his expression that I wasn’t expecting. I’ve accidentally touched on a deeper issue, but before I can figure out what it is, he reaches for the radio and flicks it on.

We don’t speak again until Reece offers to bring my suitcase inside the hotel.

Though I don’t know ifhotelis the right word for this place.

The Aloha Amour Resort…

Oh. My. God.

My senses are assaulted. The lobby is pure seduction, designed to strip couples of their self-control before they even reach their room. The air is thick with hibiscus and vanilla, rich and warm, and a mystery ingredient that’s too spicy to be innocent. I’d swear the air itself was flirting with me.

The dim lighting, tinted in shades of red and gold, drenches everything in a permanent sunset glow—skin looks softer, lips more kissable, restraint a distant memory. The entire place pulses with suggestion, with romance, with unspoken promises of sexual conquest. It’s a full seduction playground up in here.

And the décor? Oh, the décor. Dead center is a massive fountain featuring two lava-rock lovers entwined in a carnal pose so athletic I’m getting secondhand muscle cramps. The water cascades down their bodies in a deeply sensual way, and upon further study, it’s hard to explain its strong visual effect.

The sculpture is more than suggestive. It’s visceral. Evocative. A hedonistic piece of artwork that conjures arousal. The thing’s dripping with sexual idolatry, somehow summoning increasing amounts of primal desire the longer you look. I quickly break its spell, glancing down at the fountain’s base, where heart-shaped lights pulse rhythmically to an elevator music version of Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On.”

I search the walls, which are covered in photos of animals… getting busy. Two flamingos nuzzling their necks together, two rhinos with horns interlocked in what must be rhino foreplay. And three starfish… I don’t exactly know what they’re doing, but it’s dirty.

The reception desk is framed by heart-shaped arches lit with pulsing LED lights. Overhead, neon pink letters spell out:The Island Where Passion Flows Like Lava.

The staff uniforms are a mix of tropical chic and “we moonlight at a dance club.” The man at the counter wears a Hawaiian shirt unbuttoned to reveal more chest than necessary, and his name tag reads,Aloha. I’m Kai’s Best Friend.

I’m a little worried to ask, who’s Kai?

“Wow,” I whisper, spinning slowly to take it all in. “This place really commits to the theme.”

Reece stops beside me at the check-in desk, suitcase in hand, his jaw tight. “It’s… something.”

“Welcome to the Aloha Amour Resort!” the man says brightly. “Mr. Dare.” He frowns at his computer screen. “Oh… uh… seems we have a little hiccup with your reservation.”

Reece exhales sharply through his nose. “Of course there is.”

“Let me dial up Kai. He’ll have this all taken care of in a flash.”

“Fantastic,” Reece mutters, his grumpy tone back in full force.

I nudge him. “Hey, bright side. Now we’ve got more time to enjoy the… ambiance.”

Reece cuts me a side-eye, but I notice the faint quirk at the corner of his mouth. I’m about to mentally high-five myself for softening the Grump King, when a voice booms across the lobby.

“Yo, finally! You’re here, bro!”

We turn, and there is… Blaze? Reece’s bleach-blonde best friend is strutting toward us in a tank top that readsBlaze of Gloryin a glittery font and board shorts that look like an exploding tie-dye factory.

“Rough day, huh?” Blaze says, pulling Reece into a bone-crushing hug. “Don’t worry, broski. Blaze has got your back, for realz.”

Reece extracts himself from the hug, his expression a blend of confusion and irritation. “What are you doing here?”

“Huh? It’s all part of the master plan.” He double winks so hard, I think he may be trying to communicate in Morse code.

“Plan?”

“Yeah, the plan, bro! So epic.”

Before my brain can process whatever dimension Blaze is currently inhabiting—

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