Page 64 of Hawaii Can Suck It

“Uh… that on most days, my boss isn’t having a full-blown personality transplant?”

He throws his head back and laughs. “She’s hilarious! Isn’t she hilarious? And beautiful. And—hey there! Kai’s best friend!”

Before I can process the whiplash, Reece takes off like a golden retriever who just spotted its favorite UPS driver. The poor resort worker, wearing anAloha, I’m Kai’s best friendname tag, looks fully unprepared to be body-slammed by joy incarnate.

“Kai has tons of best friends, but I’m guessing you are the best bestbestof best friends.” Reece announces to his live audience of millions, “This guy makes the most incredible towel swans I’ve ever seen. Dude, you are an artist. A visionary. A towel-folding genius!”

I latch on to the filming lunatic’s arm and drag him away, thoroughly apologizing to the employee.

“Reece,” I hiss, “did Kai’s war hammer hit you in the head? Because you’re acting like Blaze after ten DareFuel drinks.”

“I’m spreading joy, Sunshine!” He throws an arm around my shoulders, flashing his unhinged smile. It’s disturbing.

His followers in the thread explode:

HE CALLED HER SUNSHINE OMG!

He’s so in love with her it’s painful.

SOMEONE BOTTLE THIS ENERGY IMMEDIATELY!

New DareFuel flavor, Reece’s Crush Rush!

“Would you look at this magical paradise!” He spins around, arms spread wide as if he’s starring inThe Sound of Music. “The weather is perfect!”

“It’s literally the same weather as yesterday. And the day before. Because we’re in Maui.”

“Exactly! Another perfect day. Thanks, Mother Nature. I love and appreciate you!” He blows a kiss to the sun.

I size him up. Now might be a good time to spring the news about my new channel launch. I bet Pixie Dream Reece will say yes to anything. Then again, exploiting someone mid-mental breakdown feels wrong.Stupid conscience.

“And do you know who else I love and appreciate?” he asks.

I try to flee, but he grabs my shoulders, yanking me into frame. “This goddess right here.”

The chat has feelings on that statement:

Goddess Cam confirmed, bow down peasants.

BRO DIDN’T EVEN BLINK. HE MEANT THAT.

KING AND HIS GODDESS, THIS SHIP SAILS ITSELF.

How he hypes his girl. #RelationshipGoals.

“Are you… okay?”

“Never better!” He beams. “Let’s do a Q&A!”

“No. No, let’s not.”

Too late. A question appears:

Describe Cam in three words.

Reece gasps dramatically. “Only three??” He angles toward me, dead serious. “That’s impossible.”

Oh God.

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