Page 70 of Hawaii Can Suck It

I gulp, forcing down a groan. “Go get dressed, you menace. Before I fire you for attempted murder.”

“You can’t fire me,” she sings, bouncing on her feet. “I’m your girlfriend now, remember?”

“Fake girlfriend!”

“Still counts!” She disappears into the bathroom.

I exhale, rubbing the back of my neck and willing my body to cool the fuck down.

I’m officially losing my goddamn mind.

If this is how the day starts, I’m genuinely afraid of what else might happen.

***

Ifthisshuttletakesone more hairpin turn, I’m going to hurl all over Kai's first-ever fully clothed appearance. The mountain road is a maze of curves and cliffs, barely lit by the headlights, and if the motion sickness doesn’t get us, the plummeting to our deaths will.

“My sensual seekers, you are about to have a truly religious experience.”

Please don’t let this be another penis drum situation.

I shift in my seat, adjusting my gray DareWear hoodie, as Cam’s head bobs beside me, her body swaying with every curve in the road. She’s sporting my merch as well—matching olive green sweatpants and sweatshirt, withDare2BUemblazoned on the front. Gordon sent us a mandatory merch kit to help sell our relationship and the product all in one fell swoop.

“This is no mere mountain,” Kai says, now in storyteller mode. “This is Haleakala. A volcano. A place of gods. Of fire and light. Legend says that the great demigod Maui lassoed the sun from the summit of Haleakala, slowing its journey across the sky.”

It’s too early for one of Kai’s innuendo-filled speeches. I check my phone, hoping for a successful repeat of yesterday’s livestream.Battery life, seventy percent. Should be okay.

“Many visitors describe feeling an energy unlike anything they’ve ever known. Some may sense a deep, internal shift—a shedding of fears, a pull toward their most primal desires.”

“It’s a sunrise, not an orgy,” I mutter.

Cam snorts, her shoulder bumping mine in the darkness. “Shh! Don’t manifest that shit.”

“As the sun ascends, so will your senses. It’s natural to feel physical sensations—goosebumps, warmth radiating from within, and unexpected tingling in hidden places. Let it flow. Let it ignite your sexual spirit.”

“Twenty bucks says someone tries to make a sunrise baby,” Cam mutters.

“Fifty says it’s the couple that turned the hot tub into an R-rated movie yesterday.”

“—but first, please bundle up. It’s quite cold at this elevation, about forty degrees. We have blankets for couples wishing to experience the mountaintop directly, or you may view in the warmth of the visitor center.”

The shuttle lurches to a stop, and a whisper of dawn bleeds across the horizon.

“It begins,” Kai whispers dramatically. “Soon your souls will—”

“Dude!” Blaze rockets out of his seat so fast you’d think his ass is on fire. “I got a stiffy just thinking about that kick-ass sun!”

“Blazey, sit your pervy ass down!” Astrid yanks him back by his shirt. “There’s no way I’m risking my thousand-dollar extensions in that wind. We’re watching from the visitor center.”

Camila’s already got her camera out like it’s a fifth limb.

“What’s your vote, Morales? Heated viewing lounge or mountain goat experience?”

“Life’s not meant to be lived through windows,” she says, grinning. “Neither are epic shots.”

I love her adventurous spirit.

I grab a blanket from Kai, and we step off the shuttle. The cold hits us like a Will Smith slap to the face.

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