Page 83 of Hawaii Can Suck It

I don’t just follow. I’m a goddamn hawk watching every movement.

She hauls herself up, water cascading off her skin like something out of aSports Illustratedphotoshoot. The rocks are slick with algae, treacherous under her feet. Once again, every cell in my body screams to protect her.

“Maybe I should go first—”

She whirls on me. “If you don’t knock off this suddenly overprotective caveman routine, I will personally introduce your balls to these very pointy rocks. If you’re so worried about my safety, stay below to catch me if I fall. Now come on!”

A shriek splits the air like a banshee with a megaphone.

“BLAZE! STOP! PUT ME DOWN! NOOOOOOO!”

I swing the camera to catch my former best friend holding my ex-fiancé, who thrashes in his arms, as they leap from the cliff in one chaotic lurch.

“Woo-hoo!” and “Whhyyyyyy!” fill the air.

SPLASH.

When they surface, Astrid’s makeup resembles a raccoon who climbed out of a washing machine.

“MY LASHES! My extensions! Do you know how many vape pens I had to sell to pay for these?!” She thrashes in the water like a mermaid with aquaphobia. “How am I supposed to film now? I look disgusting! This water is gross! Everything is RUINED!”

“Bro!” Blaze’s face lights up when he spots me. “Did you see that epic entrance?”

“Yeah man, but…” I nod toward the cliffs. “You’ve got a problem. There’s only one way outta here… UP.”

Astrid’s shriek can be heard on the next island over. “Are you freaking kidding me? I have to climb those rocks?”

“Good luck with that crisis.” I smirk. “It’s pretty obvious who got the better gal.”

It’s nice to see the fans agree with me:

Is that Astrid or a WET DOG?

Reece, buddy, you really dodged a bullet.

Karma’s a b*tch and so is she!

Bro definitely upgraded with Cam.

I gaze up, and Cam’s already halfway up the rock wall.

Does she ever wait?

Shoving the filming stick into the holster I’m carrying, I grab the first rock and start climbing.

Every muscle in my body reminds me to lock in on the rocks(and only the rocks)above me. The grip. The next handhold. The safe foothold—

But my stupid eyes betray me instantly. When I glance up, her booty moves in hypnotic motion. I’m blinded by that ass-terpiece. With each step, her butt cheeks clenchthat wet string that connects to a whisper of fabric covering her pussy.

Fuuuccckkkk me.

Her thighs flex, calves tightening as she hoists herself onto the next ledge. Her hips curve, twisting with each step, and I’m entranced by her ponytail that’s sticking to her sweaty, damp neck.

Focus on the rocks. The rocks are your friends. The rocks don’t make you want to hump them silly.

I climb faster, gritting my teeth.

We make it to the top just in time to witness Blaze pushing Astrid onto the ridge like he’s trying to load an angry cat into a carrier.

---