Page 93 of Hawaii Can Suck It

I’d wandered around the resort in a daze last night. Pondering what it meant, what it could mean, if it meant anything at all?Of course it did, didn’t it?I kept overthinking in circles until, eventually, I saw theYoga & Meditationsign. It seemed as good a place as any to hide from my problems. Clearly, I passed out mid-crisis.

“Will your curvaceous goddess be joining us for morning mediation? Camila’s energy would bring such… passion to our practice.”

The use of her name makes me possessive, and frankly it pisses me off. But it’s early, so I’m calm-ish. “No. Actually, I should—”

Go where, genius?Back to our room where I left her? Where I bolted after the most intimate moment of my life? Where she made me feel so out of control, so needy, so utterly unsure of what it means.

I want her so badly it scares me. WTF am I gonna do?

“Stay. Clearly, your mind is not at peace. My class will quiet the inner chatter, melt away your problems, and guide you to release whatever you’re holding on to.”

My hands clench at my sides. My whole body is tight. It’s a fucking coil wound up and ready to snap. I should say no. I should definitely not take life advice from a man who conducts drum circles with his dick.

But.

Maybe Hawaiian Thor is right. I need to figure out why I keep sabotaging myself. Understand why every time she gets close, I panic and run.

“Fine.” I sigh, already regretting this decision. “But if I see any warriors or drums, I’m out.”

The meditation room becomes a spiritual sardine can as guest after guest files in. People take their places on colorful mats, settling onto oversized floor cushions, their stupidly relaxed faces starting to annoy me. I claim a cushion near the front, hoping to focus on the beach view instead of Kai’s… fully awakened chi.

Kai settles beside me, a preening peacock finding his favorite perch. “Aloha, lovers. I am honored to be your guide on this relaxation journey—where we’ll unlock your most sacred tool.” He pauses for dramatic effect. “Radical self-love.”

Oh for fuck’s sake.Crossing my legs, I plant my hands palms-up on my knees. I roll my shoulders, trying to shift the uncomfortable tension knotted in every muscle.

“Today we step out of the endless river of doing and drop into the act ofbeing.”

When was the last time I focused on justbeing?

Before the brand deals. Before the sponsorships. Before the grind of keeping this whole damn empire from collapsing under the weight of expectations.

I close my eyes, but the second darkness hits, she’s there.

Cam.

Spread out like an offering. Her skin flushed, her eyes hungry, her legs open wide. That pretty pink cunt glistening, calling me to it. And the way she moaned my name like a dirty secret, how she writhed on the bed, needy and shameless, taking her pleasure.

And here we go again.My stiff cock has me shifting on the cushion, trying to adjust without drawing attention. Because that’s exactly what I need—a boner in meditation class.

But I can’t stop the memories. Can’t stop wondering—did she want me? Really want me? Or am I another cabana boy on her fuck list?

No. The way she looked at me… Nobody’s ever looked at me like that. She knew themeI was hiding behind my walls, and the kicker… she wanted me anyway.

The image of her face, confused and hurt, when I bolted flashes in my mind. Was thatregretI saw? Or, more likely, thewow, what a dickheadexpression I deserved. Yet again.

DING!

A chime rings through the room.

“With each inhale, feel a sense of calm and peace washing over you. With each exhale, let go of worries and distractions.”

Ha!I came to this island with enough problems to fill the Pacific.

Cam’s thoughts on Lahaina and the struggles of those uprooted resurface in my thoughts. Hearing her be so passionate about using social media for good. I used to be excited like that. I’d wake up energized about creating, about pushing boundaries, about inspiring people.

Now it’s all about metrics. The views. The never-ending hamster wheel of churning out mass quantities of stock content to keep the machine running. Three hundred employees and their families depend on me.

My entire life is tied to this persona I’ve built.

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