Page 11 of Toy No More

I nod and don’t ask anything else. I watch the road, staring at the half-empty night streets and the lights that blur and dance in front of me. Desperately, I push all those questions swirling inside my head aside.

What were they doing there?

You know. You know what they did.

What will happen to this girl?

You know she’s not walking away from this.

Against my better judgment, I finally relent after a few minutes of maddeningly silent driving and glance into the rearview mirror again. I’m met with her wide eyes bulging out in fear and filled with tears. They pin me down with their intensity. Raw, desperate anguish pours out into me through her, making my heart hiccup.

Lowering my gaze, I spot Jasper gliding the muzzle of his gun against her skin, from her throat down to her open cleavage, where he slips it under the fabric of her light tank top. Each time she twitches and sobs, he continues shushing her with a calm humming sound, like he’s trying to comfort a baby.

I look away, feeling the food in my stomach rise.

Don’t. Ignore it,I will myself;ordermyself. There’s nothing I can do. Nothing I could ever do to stop this. I’m just a cog in this machine, an insignificant, small part. In a world where terrible things—even worse than this—happen every minute.

It’s not me in her place. That’s all that matters. That me, Skyler, or Marci are not in her place, and I need to make sure it stays that way by doing my job.

I don’t look in the mirror again. In fact, I only move my neck as much as necessary to get us safely to our destination.

Once I park the car, reversing it into a free space in the corner of the small yard, I stare at the warehouse entrance in front of us. My head is as empty and lifeless as a graveyard, aside from one thought: the moment this girl walks in there, I don’t think she’ll ever leave.

AndItook her here.

“Take a break. I’ll call when I need you,” Jasper says, making me snap out of my trance with a sharp blink. I nod, still taking care to not look back. Her face is etched into my mind either way, but I don’t want those feelings to bubble up again.

Both he and Trey get out. Without moving an inch, I sit with my hands on the wheel and watch them drag the girl toward the building. The slight ringing in my ears returns, serving as some sort of fucked up soundtrack.

Snapping my head down, I close my eyes and clench my teeth. “Fuck,” I mutter.

I know what will happen if I stay sitting in this car, suffocating in my own thoughts, so I swiftly step out. Patting at my pockets, I feel for the carton and a lighter. This time, I really need one.

The loading bay at the back doesn’t seem to be used much, so I sit on it and lean against the cold, concrete pillar to the side. Dangling my legs off the edge, I pull out the pack and rest it in my lap, staring at it for a moment before I open it and put a cigarette in my mouth, lighting it.

My chest feels tight. My entire body is tense from pushing these emotions down, but what else is there to do?

With my eyes closed, I draw in the smoke, letting it float around my lungs until I can’t take it anymore and breathe out. Just like this damn job, I need to hold it all in, no matter how uncomfortable, until I’m able to step away from it and let it out. Let it dissipate in the wind.

“Oh.” I hear behind me.

I turn quickly, widening my eyes. I wonder if I’m dreaming for a moment when it’s one of the dolls that I see. And not just any of them.

Hesitantly poking out of the door, he studies me with those deep blue eyes that I didn’t get to see on that stage on my very first day here. Since then, I’ve seen him here and there, mostly when he was going to Jasper’s office late at night.

Wrapped in a thick, fluffy coat, his otherwise otherworldly, perfect face is…haggard now. His gaze is low, cheeks flushed red, and so is his forehead. There are two visible marks on his neck that look pretty unpleasant.

Like he finally shook off his surprise, he closes the door behind him, coming to sit on the loading dock next to me. “Usually, no one comes around here,” he says, sitting down with a tired sigh. He flinches a little while trying to get comfortable.

Some of his waving, longer hairs draping down the sides of his face are sticking to his glistening skin. He wipes them away, revealing his flawless, dewy complexion. I feel stupid for not being able to stop staring. He’s just…beautiful.

His features are symmetrical, aesthetically pleasing perfection, and his bone structure is masculine, but with a certain androgyny to it. Long, curved lashes adorn his eyes. There is something infatuating about his gaze as he turns it to me. In fact, each time we’ve passed each other till now, I’ve been almost afraid to make eye contact with him because of how hypnotizing it is.

“Won’t bother you. Just need a breather,” he adds. There’s a suppressed but undeniable quiver in his voice as he says the last word, bringing back that tension inside me. I quickly swallow and nod, putting my lips to the cigarette again before it goes out.

Why are my cheeks so hot?

He looks like he’s been through the ringer. His pale, slim legs are the only parts of his body poking out of the black jacket he tries to keep himself warm in, and I wonder if he’s hiding more signs of whatever one of those animals did to him.

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