Page 21 of Toy No More

I shake my head in frustration, suppressing the urge to scream. Instead, tears roll down my eyes, making me feel even more weak and disgusting. My throat plays games on me—closing up to the point I can barely draw breath and then constricting so violently I expect to throw up, but nothing comes out. As I spiral into the vortex of panic and anger and soul-crushing dread, Jasper’s face appears in my mind.

I need him. I need him to hold me and help me.

My phone is in my drawer. I turn my head to the door and consider getting it before remembering our talk in the morning. He’s negotiating with those people.I can’t do that, can I?Interrupting him at a meeting. His pathetic, blubbering omega begging him to come to soothe him like a stupid child because he can’t handle his job. The oldest, most basic job in the history of humankind.

My bottom lip quivers as I lean over the toilet again, shaking. I doubt I could even stand up, anyway. My legs are numb, and all I can feel besides the incessant pounding of my heart is something dripping out of me, running down my thigh.

Her seed. The results of what she did, what I…

I freeze when I hear a door open. Someone is calling out. Then it closes and heavy, hurried steps approach me. “Apollo.”

I turn around, sliding down the side of the toilet.

Kobe stands at the threshold, the bright light shining behind his head, obstructing his face until he quickly gets on his knees in front of me. His expression is full of concern. His brown eyes dart across the pathetic sight I must be, and bushy brows twist in pity.

“Wh-what ar-are you doing here?” I mutter, trying to keep some semblance of dignity.

This is the backroom. He shouldn’t be here.

“No one else was here and— I heard the alpha outside complain about you stumbling off right after she…” He pauses and jerks his head to the side.Is what flashes over his face disgust?When he faces me again, his expression is even gentler. “She just knotted you without a warning, didn’t she? I’m so sorry, Apollo.”

His hand touches mine and suddenly, warmth radiates against my freezing skin. It’s like he breaks some sort of spell I’ve been under. I feel my heart ease and the tingling in my fingers subside. The way he looks at me, the way he speaks…it says he understands.

Kobe understands.

He’s an omega. He knows how panic-inducing it can be to be knotted.Especiallylike this. Unprepared. Unwilling. I might get shouted at by the handler later for creating a disgruntled customer or not providing the service I’m supposed to, but right now, in front of Kobe, there’s no judgment. Because he knows.

I relax my entire body with a deep sigh that releases so much inner strain I want to cry. Glancing at my hand, he quickly pulls his away and blinks. “What she did was fucked. Do you…do you need anything?”

I’m still dazed and sluggish, weak, but the fear is gone. As I look up at him, waiting for my response intently with those big brown eyes, suddenly I crave a cigarette.

“I could use a smoke break,” I whisper, tightening my grip on the toilet to try to get up. Kobe smiles and extends his open hand out.

Chapter 7

Kobe

Rainispouringdownwhen we step out onto the loading dock. There was no warning of it before, but now the air smells rich with it.

Apollo and I sit next to each other. Instead of reaching for a smoke, he presents me with his lightly parted lips. I can’t help but stare at them and remember his ruined face a few moments ago when I found him by the toilet. Banishing any strange thoughts, I place the cigarette in his mouth and light it.

I still feel such pure rage at the thought of that woman complaining so flippantly while he crumbled there alone, hurt. I felt that same rage when I was younger and got into all those pointless fights, fueled by mindless anger I could never satisfy.

“I don’t know why I reacted this way,” Apollo says, pulling me back to reality. Blinking sharply, I watch him stare at the cigarette in his hand, eyes focused somewhere in the distance. His voice is frail, like it will start trembling if he speaks any louder. “I guess…it’s supposed to be my heat soon. I get weird before it. All…fucking emotional. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get a grip on the…” He trails off, trying to find the words before giving up and drawing in a puff.

“I know what you mean,” I say, sad that it’s a fact we can both relate to. “I used to become weirdly paranoid and sensitive right before my heat. A strange state of mind at the edge of being manageable yet impossible to grasp objectively. Though, I don’t get it much anymore. Myeverythingis a bit messed up and muted because I’ve been taking the suppressants for a while,” I admit.

He glances at me with interest. “It’s not healthy, you know?”

I chuckle. “I take the highest possible dose I can without risking any major long-term health consequences. At least according to my doctor.”

“I suppose it’s good. Being an omega, especially in a job like this, surrounded by alphas…anything can happen.” His tone tampers at the end and his gaze escapes me, telling me that he maybe regrets wording it like that. Either way, he isn’t wrong. Having to even think about such things is messed up, but real.

“Yeah…”

I’ve been lucky to not experience any of that. Apollo probably can’t say the same.

The thought makes me shiver, so I try to steer my mind and the conversation in a different direction. “Do you…need me to get anything for you? You know, considering the risks with knotting and the efficiency of the contraceptives when it comes to that and all,” I mumble anxiously, hoping it I’m not overstepping.

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