Page 47 of Toy No More

I’ve let all of that anger out. He lied to me. Wronged me. Risked my safety and therefore Skyler and Marci’s, so why don’t I feel better? Why do I feelguilty?

Those big soft eyes of his stare at me, as broken as Jasper said he was.

Chapter 14

Apollo

Ican’tgethimout of my mind. Him and his gaze filled with anger instead of the usual care and that charming shyness. Anger I’ve seen on the faces of so many men in my time. The unleashed, unpredictable kind. Only this time, I can’t make myself be mad at him for doing that to me. For breaking that illusion of being able to always feel safe around him. An illusion of Kobe not being like all of those other men who could hurt me or kill me if they so wanted.

Whydon’tI feel angry? It is because deep down, I know I deserved it? Because I hurt him and brought this all on myself?

The guilt and frustration mix inside my stomach, making it ache. I frown to myself.

Yeah, I didn’t tell the exact truth. But how was I supposed to expect for Jasper to start chatting with Kobe about it? I thought he would ignore it, like he so often does with things he doesn’t quite like.

Kobe had no right to say what he said, even if he wasn’t entirely unreasonable to feel wronged by me. He just threw those insults at me, having no real idea about my life. Does he actually think I’m untouchable?! That everything is easy for me? The idea makes me recoil inside. And the way he looked at me in itself…almost as if he despised me.

I wish it was as easy as Kobe sees it. I know damn well my position isn’t guaranteed. Never was. Never will be.

Jasper might treasure me most of the time, and take care of me, and make me feel safe, but no matter what he does or what he tells me, that sense of uncertainty always stays. It never goes away. No matter how many years we’re together and no matter how many beautiful things he buys me. Maybe it’s me. Maybe there’s something wrong withme.

Either way, I can’t shake a horrible feeling when thinking about that. The kind that burns a hole through my chest and makes it hard to breathe.

I catch myself tearing up, so I blink sharply and look up. The hairy, chiseled stomach of my client is mostly all I see before I raise my gaze until my eyes ache inside my head, and see his satisfied face looking down on me.Right…the cop. You’re with the cop.

Like many others, he’s been in Jasper’s father’s pocket for years.

Even if I started crying right now, he’d probably enjoy it. And it wouldn’t be too surprising, considering his thick cock hitting the back of my throat, barely allowing me to breathe. The corners of my mouth burn as they’re being stretched, yet I try to look like I’m loving this.

At least he’s a beta. I don’t have to worry about dealing with his pheromones or him calling me Sugar and all that shit. Still, this policeman who’s been coming to see me for years and has a wife and a daughter at home stares at me like I’m the most wonderful thing he’s ever witnessed.

He tightens his grip on my hair, speeding up the pace of my head bobbing in and out as he gets closer. I close my eyes, fighting through the discomfort and the rough way he uses my mouth. When it’s over, I let out a breath of relief, masquerading as a proud exclamation.

I meet his gaze as he pulls his cock out slowly, his thumb resting against my cheek. “Swallow. All of it, baby,” he whispers with a glazed-over, drunk stare, and watches me as I do, smiling widely. His sperm has a weird taste that I don’t like. I can’t wait to wash out my mouth.

My jaw aches. With a deep exhale, the cop leans back in the booth, running his fingers through his hair. I sit on the ground in front of him and pray he lets me leave without insisting on making me come, too.

“Unfortunately for you, I gotta go,” he says while glancing at his watch, and immediately pulls his pants up and works on doing up his belt.

I want to ask him if it’s because his wife is making him dinner, or if he needs to pick his child from her friend’s house. Instead, I put on that stupid, helpless smile. “Maybe next time,” I say teasingly, and get a hungry glance in return.

Now dressed, he stands over me. “I’ll hold you to that, Sweetcheeks.” He smirks before walking away.Oh, please don’t.

He’d be tolerable, nice enough to look at, if he wasn’t such a gross bastard.

When he’s finally gone and it’s just me in the small private booth, I hang my head down.The last client of the night,I soothe myself. Why don’t I feel as happy as I should? Usually, my body would relax. A weight would lift off my shoulders. But I’m still…

His face flashes before my eyes, making me frown. His words echo in my mind like a haunting of some ghost.

“Goddammit.” I stand up sharply.

I can’t think about him right now. I don’t want to think about him.

On my way to the backroom, I message Jasper, telling him I’m done. It takes a while for him to respond. He has some things to finish up and will take another ‘half an hour or so’. That usually means an hour or more.

Fully experiencing the toll of the day’s pretending and performing fall on me, I sit at my station, facing the mirror with an unhappy grimace.I look like a mess.

I unfocus my eyes and stare ahead even as others move around me. Thankfully, everyone ignores me, knowing I need my peace when I do. A few dolls change into their everyday clothes and chat for a bit before going home. There can’t be too many people left on the floor.

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