Page 48 of Toy No More

A few minutes later, the door opens another time, bringing with it the music, heat, and a familiar scent of spiced apples.Sadie.

I feel myself come alive a little as I turn at her. She waves at and kisses Naomi on the cheek as she passes her before heading toward me. “What are you doing, just sitting here?” Sadie asks with a soft expression, somehow sensing my low mood. With a sigh, she plops on her chair next to me and turns it to face me.

“Just…winding down. Waiting for Jasper,” I mutter while absent-mindedly studying her beautiful high heels. They sparkle with burgundy and bright red tones, the pattern being something like an oil spill but with sparkles and in her iconic colors.

Sadie tilts her head with that ‘I will fix this’ lip pucker of hers.

I know she’ll try to help me and make me feel better. She always does. But before she can, I notice the teeth-shaped bruise on the side of her neck, exposed by her hair falling behind her shoulder. “Are you okay?” I ask with a sharp inhale, reaching out to gently touch it.

She let’s out a light chuckle. “Ah, it’s fine.” Still, I can’t help feeling uneasy seeing it. I’m not dumb—I realize that even someone as sexually adventurous and open as Sadie has their limits. “The clients today were a little over the top, but it’s honestly not that much worse than when Jackson bites me sometimes,” she says and swiftly shows me the fading bruise on her inner forearm. Much smaller, but also dancing with shades of purple.

“Ooof,” I mouth. “Babies are…really weird.”

Sadie laughs. “Yeah, well, he’s got little teeth now, and he doesn’t realize how strong they can be.”

“Speaking of, you should probably go home. Don’t worry about me. God knows how long Jasper will take,” I say, hoping to get her to leave. Maybe because she should be with her kid. Maybe because I feel the melancholy setting in and want to wallow in it alone.

When I blink up in surprise in reaction to her gentle touch on my shoulder, she’s leaning toward me. “He’s asleep, darling. Won’t even know I’m not there,” she says, winking. Sometimes I think I don’t deserve a friend like her.Do I? Kobe was right. I am…Iamselfish.“Besides, I barely got to talk to you today. And I wanted to show you this new palette I bought.”

My heart skips. “The Josie Keller one?”

“Damn right!” she exclaims and excitedly reaches into her drawer. Sadie pulls out the make-up palette everyone has been raving on about online. “The shipping tookfor-e-ver, but I finally got it. I haven’t even had a chance to use it yet.”

I let my eyes feast on those glorious colors, all so rich and pigmented, with a line of shimmery ones on top. It seemed almost possible when the claims came out in the campaign, but the palette really has shades that are perfect for anyone.

“Come on, let’s have some fun while you wait,” Sadie says, nearly bouncing in the seat next to me. Somehow, she already has a brush in her hand. “I’ve got some combinations I wanted to try, but I never seem to do as well on myself as I do putting it on for other people. Of course, I’m not as good asyou, but ya know…”

“Shut up,” I groan playfully, and present her with my face.

Resting my hands on my lap, I sit motionlessly, patiently letting her execute her vision. Feeling the brush tickle against my skin is relaxing. I’ve always loved that sensation. Sadie makes this adorable expression when she focuses, narrowing only one of her eyes like a cartoon character.

When I close my eyes for her and the darkness encloses me, I feel safe. All the worries that have been burdening me today; all the haunting, disgusting looks of the men I’ve been with, even my aching body…it all ceases to exist.

It’s only my mind, floating into the void, listening to Sadie’s whistling of a bastardized version of some pop song. And then my imagination explodes into color, wondering what she’s creating on my eyelids, and how it’ll make me into somebody else. Somebody beautiful and flawless.

A smile creeps up on me.

Sometimes I wish I could stay like this forever. But life isn’t that simple.

Someone clears their throat across the room, making both me and Sadie jerk. She nearly stabs my eye with the brush in the process.

Jasper stands there, studying us with that hard-to-read expression, arms crossed over his chest. The way he slowly raises his brow causes me to dart my eyes to my phone on the table. I grab it, noticing the two missed calls from a few minutes ago.

“Shit,” I blurt. “Sorry, we…got a little distracted.”

Sadie smiles faintly next to me. “I’m almost done. Should I—”

“It’ll only take a couple of minutes to finish up,” I say quickly, glancing at Jasper. It’s late, and he seems annoyed, but it won’t take long. I make puppy eyes at him, hoping he allows me a few more minutes of bliss.

Cocking his head to the side, Jasper blinks slowly, and I clearly see his dissatisfaction as he studies my makeup. My stomach tightens. “Wipe that off and come to the car at the front, Apollo. I’m tired.” Leaving no space for discussion, he steps out of the door.

The disappointment seizes my chest like a steel claw. Forcing myself to smile, I briefly glance at Sadie, not long enough to fully see her face or allow her to convince me to go through with it anyway. ‘He can’t tell you what to do,’ is something she would probably say.

I know she doesn’t like Jasper, and I don’t want even more bad blood between them.

Before I take the makeup remover, I finally look in the mirror. The eyeshadow is about halfway done on my left eye and seemingly completed on the right. I want to appreciate it. Want to marvel and feel joy over the soft pink working flawlessly with the turquoise at my inner corners, but I…can’t. My reflection makes me uneasy; like I’m peering at a complete stranger.

To stop brewing with that terrible sensation, I grab the remover wipes. “It’s beautiful, really. I’m sorry to have made you waste the product,” I mutter shakily, not wanting Sadie to be mad at me, and start wiping away.

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